


Storms

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Of Gods and Men [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AOU References, Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Smut and Feels, Depression, Eating Disorder, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Happily Every After, Healing, Hurt Tony Stark, IronThunder - Freeform, Learning to trust, M/M, Mjolnir - Freeform, Moving On, Post-CACW, Protective Thor, Seriously Sorry For the Angst, So much angst, The Team Comes Home, Thor Feels, ThunderIron - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony has the Worst Coping Skills, Unhealthy Coping, so many feels, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:37:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: When Thor returns to Earth, the first place he goes is the Avengers Compound. He is anxious to see his friends, and more than a little anxious to see Tony--hoping to perhaps pick up their cuatious flirting and little moments together they had had before Ultron.But the compound is empty, and Tony is a mess- drinking himself to sleep and not eating anymore, not even working in his lab anymore. And when Thor learns what happened while he was gone, what happened in Russia, he decides to stay and try to help.Tony doesnt want his help, but Thor stays anyway--soothing nightmares, and making food and trying to show Tony that he is still beautiful and worthwhile.And one ngiht, with storms raging outside the window, Tony gives in and lets Thor love him like hes always wanted to, and they find comfort and peace in each others arms.But when the team comes home, Thor realizes that some of Tonys wounds might never heal, that things might never be alright again.But Thors not giving up on TonyNot nowNot Ever





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick warning, guys. We all know Tony has the worst coping skills, and this fic explores them. It is rough reading up until Chapter five, dealing with depression and alcoholism and eating disorders, and Tony is filled with guilt and self loathing. These sort of things arent healed over night, and certainly not just because someone loves you, and I have tried to be true to this, while not making things to difficult to read.  
> So just please be careful, lovelies, if any of these are triggers for you!  
> I promise (like in all my fics) there is a Happily Ever After :)

Thor was excited to be home, excited to be back at the compound with all his friends. He had been gone for so long, dealing with Asgard and everything had gone so wrong so suddenly… 

Well anyway, he was relieved to be away from Asgard. He was ready for Tony's ridiculous movie nights, and Clint’s haphazard breakfast creations, and sparring with Captain, and trading war stories with Natasha. He was looking forward to spending time with Bruce, the quiet scientist had a wicked sense of humour that was matched only by Tony's cutting wit. 

He was even looking forward to the mission debriefings, where Tony and Steve inevitably fought and bickered, and Tony usually ended up storming off in some grand fashion, the color high in his cheeks, dark eyes sparking dangerously. 

The genius was beautiful in something of a delicate way, and Thor had always had a hard time keeping himself from staring. Tony was not a large man by any means, but his passion for whichever cause he was engaged in was unparalleled. Thor loved to sit and watch him talk, to watch him work, to watch him---

Thor just liked to watch Tony, period. And if he were honest, it took most of his self control to  _ only  _ watch, because Thor would love to see Tony flushed and  _ passionate  _ spread out across a large bed and bathed in firelight. In fact, he was sure Tony would look more beautiful like that than any other way. Of course, they had never had any time to discuss or explore any of those things, but now that Thor was back again, perhaps in between missions he and the soft haired genius could spend  _ real  _ time together, and Thor would get the chance to tell him how he felt. 

So when Thor landed in front of the Avengers compound with a crack of lightning and a ground shaking boom of thunder, burning the pattern of the bifrost into the lawn, he was caught up in his thoughts and didn't notice that the grass was brown and dead, that there were no vehicles parked in the driveway. 

Too intent on seeing Tony, on giving the man a hug, on hearing that light hearted laugh, it wasn't even until he was striding through the halls towards the common area, holding Mjolnir lightly in one hand, and calling for the team that he realized that most of the lights weren't even on. The rooms were locked up, the windows dirty, the few plants wilted from neglect.

The compound was...silent, and Thor stopped uneasily at the door to the common room, noting that even though the room had been repaired since the fight with Ultron, it looked like it hadn't been touched in months. 

“Hello?” he called, and his deep voice echoed through the empty building. “Hello?”

“Thor.” 

He startled when Tony appeared on the other side of the room, leaning against the doorjamb, looking weary. 

“Friend Anthony!” Thor grinned, but Tony's expression didn't change in the slightest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked slowly, taking a drink from the glass in his hand. 

“I have returned.” Thor said, as if that was explanation enough.

“I see that.” Tony said in that same slow way, and Thor narrowed his eyes a little uncomfortably. “But I still don't know why you are  _ here _ .”

“Because this is our home. The Avengers compound.” Thor offered and Tony smiled a little then, looking as if he just couldn't believe what Thor was saying.

“You don't know. You don't know what happened, do you?”

“ _ What _ happened?” Thor demanded then, almost frightened by the look on Tony's face. “Where are the others? The Captain, and Hawkeye and Natasha? Bruce?”

“They are all gone.” Tony waved his hand around the empty space. “Cap took them all. Took them all and left me...here.” 

“Where are they?” Thor didn't understand, and felt like there was something Tony just wasn't willing to tell him. “Where did they go?”

“I don't know.” Tony shrugged and took another drink. “I was in Russia and….” his voice trailed off, his eyes seeming to glaze over a little. “Anyway. They aren’t here. No ones here. It's just me now.”

Thor set Mjolnir down and folded his arms. “Anthony what is going on? Please,  _ where  _ is the team?”

“I don't know.” And Tony laughed, sounding so broken and bitter that Thor felt it like an ache in his own heart. “I don't know. Haven't known for months now. But you know. It's fine. If you want to stay there are  just...dozens of empty rooms. Take your pick.”

“Are you-- are you alright, Anthony?” Thor softened his voice a little, because even from this distance he could see the bags under Tony's bloodshot eyes, see the unkempt goatee, and the pallor on his usually tan skin. The hand holding the glass was shaking a little, and his left hand kept pressing over his chest as if it hurt. “Are you well, I mean?” 

Tony tipped his head back and finished off his drink, then winged it across the room and watched it shatter against the wall. 

“Always. I'm always alright.”

Then he was gone, and Thor was left in the empty room, letting the silence of an abandoned building settle around him. 

**************

“FRIDAY.” Thor asked hesitantly, looking up at the ceiling. He vaguely remembered Tony naming his new AI after a day of the week after Ultron had destroyed JARVIS, and he wasn't quite sure if FRIDAY was correct, but that seemed to stick in his mind. “FRIDAY?”

“Thor Odinson.” the heavily accented voice sounded large in the bedroom. “You have returned to the compound. Welcome back.”

“Yes.” Thor said softly. “Thank you. Please, can you tell me what happened here? Why is the team gone, and why is Anthony here alone?”

“You don’ want to see it.” the AI replied. “If you want to know what happened, perhaps you should ask the boss.”

“Anthony did not seem in any shape to speak of it.” Thor said firmly. “Please. Any information you can give me.”

“Don’ say I didn't warn ya.” FRIDAY almost sounded regretful, but a TV folded down from the ceiling anyway, and Thor sat back on the bed cross legged to watch. 

It was mostly clips of the video feed within the compound, and they flew by quickly. Something involving General Ross, who Thor only knew because of Bruce. Then an issue involving delegates from a little country in Africa. Ross demanding the team sign the Accords for the United Nations, and Captain Rogers adamantly refusing. News clips then, about a Winter Soldier, a bombing at an embassy, about Steve and several of the Avengers being called criminals and being hunted. Hunted as vigilantes. 

A fight in a tunnel that ended with most of the team being taken into custody, as well as someone called the Black Panther. Cut to an airport, where an enormous man in a red suit was tearing planes apart and tossing them, a figure flinging webs that couldn't have been more than a child. Vision and Wanda fighting. Clint and Natasha fighting. The Black Panther person against the Winter Soldier. Tony against Steven. It was awful, and Thor’s heart broke watching his team fight against each other. 

Something about a man named Zemo. Natasha turning her back on Tony and leaving. Tony visiting a prison called the Raft. 

Then it got worse. 

Thor sat up when the news feeds ended and a new camera came online. 

It was a shaky feed, as if looking through someone’s eyes, and Thor realized in horror it was the video feed from the Iron Man suit. 

A car accident, a figure on a motorcycle, a theft of something from the trunk of the car, then the figure on the screen killing both people in the car. 

The camera swung around and Thor found himself staring right at Captain Rogers face, and Tony's voice, sounding terrible and raw. “ _ Did you know _ ?” 

Then came the fighting. Awful. From both sides. The Winter Soldier- Bucky, apparently- fighting for his life. Captain Rogers, not pulling his punches at all. The camera swung wildly between the two, shaking and jolting as the super soldiers fought against Anthony. 

Tony screaming “ _ do you even remember them?” _

Tony begging FRIDAY to analyze Steve's fighting patterns, because he was losing, and the Captain wasn't going to stop. 

At one point the mask was ripped off and the view was skewed, turned on it's side, and Thor had to watch Steve throw Tony to the ground, pummel him with his fists over and over, then raise that shield high over his face and bring it down with a crunch into Tony's chest. 

The shield was left on the ground when Steve limped out of view, holding the Winter Soldier up. 

Tony was on the ground, broken and battered. His voice hoarse, his breath rattling as he asked FRIDAY to bring the helicopter, to please get him home. 

And then the screen went black, the audio picking back up once Tony was back in his helicopter. It was simply pained breaths, hacking coughs, and body wrenching sobs as FRIDAYs calm voice listed the injuries Tony had sustained. Broken ribs, busted leg, concussion, cracked sternum. Internal bleeding, severe bruising, broken nose, orbital fracture. Broken collarbone. 

And Tony cried through all of it, begged FRIDAY to get him out of there, anywhere, the compound, to Pepper,  _ anywhere _ . Begged FRIDAY to call someone.

“Who should I call, sir?”

“Nevermind. There isn’t anyone to call.” 

Then there was only the ragged sounds of Tony trying to breathe as the helicopter flew back towards the states. 

And Thor sat on the bed and clutched a pillow to his chest, tears falling unchecked as he mourned for his friend. 

*************

Thor found Tony on the far end of the compound, staring out a window and drinking straight from the bottle of scotch in his hand. 

“Anthony.” he said cautiously, and his voice was still thick with tears. “Anthony you should have--”

“Should have what?” Tony didn't even sound like himself, the usual snark and bite in his voice gone, leaving just a wooden tone.

“Should have called for me.” Thor said after several minutes of silence. “I would have came and--”

“Nothing would have helped.” Tony interrupted and took another long drink from the bottle. “It's done now.” 

“You have been here alone, all this time?” Thor questioned and Tony nodded. 

“Where else was I supposed to go?” 

They fell quiet again and Thor kept opening his mouth to say something,  _ anything _ , but nothing came, nothing seemed right. How could he find words of comfort after when he had just seen, after what he had heard?

“You want a drink?’ Tony asked finally and Thor shook his head slowly. 

“No thank you, Anthony. But I will stay here with you, if you would like.”

“No thanks.” Tony said. “Doing just fine by myself.” 

So Thor left, leaving Tony with his bottle of scotch. 

But several hours later, he crept back to that side of the compound and found Tony passed out on the couch. 

Picking him up was no trouble, and Thor frowned at how light Tony had gotten since he had seen him last. Underneath the silk shirt he could feel Tony's ribs standing out under his skin, and this close, Thor could see the veins running beneath the too pale skin. 

Tony was not well. He was not alright, alone like this. 

Thor tucked Tony into the bed, pulling the covers up high as he started shivering, then bent down and placed a feather light kiss to each of Tony's eye lids.  “I am here now, Anthony. I will not leave you.” 

But Tony  turned away from him, rolling over in the bed to face the wall, because even in his sleep, Tony couldn't trust anyone. 

Thor sat in the chair beside the bed and settled in to keep watch over him. 

Outside the windows, lightning flashed and rain started pouring from dark clouds, and Thor closed his eyes and let the anger at _ all of this _ roll through him. 

Because when someone so beautiful was hurting so badly, what else could nature and gods do but storm?


	2. Chapter 2

Thor turned from the stove when Tony stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and running his hand through his hair. 

“Good morrow, Anthony.” He greeted Tony with a cheerful smile, but the brunette didn't even acknowledge him, just reached for the coffee pot and chugged down a mug quickly wiping his mouth and pouring another cup all within a few minutes.

“I made breakfast.” Thor offered and began spooning eggs onto plates, adding several strips of bacon and thick slices of toast. 

He had actually had to  _ leave  _ the compound for food, having opened the fridge in the middle of the night looking for water… and seeing nothing. There was no food in the kitchen at all, and Thor had realized  _ first  _ that Tony didn't cook for himself. 

And  _ second _ , uncomfortable thought--something he didn't want to consider at all-- had him checking the trash can. And lying there at the bottom was a take-out container, still full of food. 

The receipt was from three days ago.

_ Three days _ .

Tony was starving himself.

Thor had cursed softly and slumped down into a kitchen chair then, trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened, everything that had gone so wrong for Tony to be reduced to  _ this-- _ not eating for days, wandering an empty building by himself, drinking until he passed out in the evening. 

It broke his heart,  _ and  _ made him feel like breaking something--or  _ someone _ .

So Thor went back and made sure Tony was fast asleep, and had set out for the closest store, buying enough food and supplies to last them weeks. Just by himself, Thor could eat enough in one sitting for three men, but Tony… Tony hadn't eaten in  _ days  _ and the memory of how his ribs felt when Thor had held him was nearly painful. So Thor had bought even  _ more _ \-- multi vitamin things and powders that promised to provide extra calories and anything high in fat. Of course Thor didn't know the first thing about a “balanced” diet, but he remembered that Tony had always drank hideous green shakes so he stuffed the cart with vegetables and fruit, trying to find anything at all to make Tony eat.

So now he held a plate of food out hopefully, a smile on his lips, ready to help Tony start getting healthy again, ready to start erasing the damage Tony had suffered… and the damage Tony had done to himself.

So Thor waited eagerly, hoping Tony would take the food as the comfort it was and maybe let him in just the  _ tiniest  _ bit. 

But Tony just blinked down at the food, then blinked up at Thor and took a sip of his coffee before turning and shuffling out the door. 

“Anthony.” He called and Tony stopped, but didn't turn around. “When was the last time you ate?” 

“Yesterday.” Tony said slowly, then shook his head. “The day before? It doesn't matter.”

“It matters.” Thor kept his voice soft. “It  _ matters _ . Please, eat something. Just a few bites.”

Tony lifted one shoulder in half a shrug and left anyway, leaving Thor in the kitchen feeling like a vice was tightening around his heart.

******************

Thor made sandwiches for lunch, piled high with fresh sliced meat and cheese, crisp lettuce and tomatoes, and went looking for Tony.

He found him standing in the common room, his forehead pressed to the glass of one of the huge windows, and Thor just watched him for a moment, watched the rise of and fall of bony shoulders under a thin shirt, watched the way Tony fingers hung limply at his side. His once perfectly tailored pants even sat loose, low on his narrow hips, frayed cuffs dragging the floor because Tony wasn't even wearing  _ shoes _ , and that's when Thor noticed that he leaned a little to the right, keeping a little weight off his left side as if it pained him. 

The old Tony would have been made up in one of his perfectly matching ensembles, shoes shined, sunglasses firmly on his face as he charmed and snarked and teased his way through the day with the team or the press or whoever else was around him. 

This Tony was like a shadow- a thin, tired shadow of a great man and it nearly took Thors breath away with how badly it hurt to watch him.

Finally, he cleared his throat, feeling badly when Tony jumped in surprise. “I brought lunch, Anthony.” Thor set the plates down. “Will you come eat with me?”

“No.” Tony replied, and there was no malice in his voice, no anger. It was just a flat, emotionless answer, delivered with a flat, emotionless expression and Thor felt that uncomfortable twinge in his chest again. 

Tony without that his  _ spark  _ was so wrong. Too wrong.

“I made roast beef!” Thor said, and forced a smile. “I remember that's your favorite!” 

Tony turned a little to look, and his lips twitched like he wanted to smile, but he still didn't move away from the window, still made no effort to join Thor at the sofa table. 

“Come, Anthony.” Thor finally just stood and moved towards him, grabbing Tony's wrist and leading him towards the table. “Come sit, here.” 

Tony came surprisingly easily, let Thor lead him to the table and and sank into the chair with soft huff, even taking the plate and a water bottle when Thor handed it to him. And even though Thor was glad Tony hadn't fought him, Tony letting himself be  _ led around  _ was disconcerting all by itself.

But Thor pushed that thought away and started in on his own sandwich, trying not to stare, but trying to watch Tony all at the same time.

But Tony didn't eat, didn't even pick up the food at all, just stared blankly down at it while Thor ate his. Once Thor was finished, Tony put the full plate back on the table and left the room quietly.

Thor ran a hand over his face and tried not to feel like he was already losing this battle.

But it wasn't really a battle, was it? Not unless it was Thor fighting to keep Tony from giving up, to keep Tony from wasting away in this empty, abandoned building.

So Thor supposed he  _ could _ consider this a battle.

And he had no intention of losing.

**********************

Dinnertime came, and Thor found Tony back in his room, sitting in a recliner and just staring at the wall, his fingers tapping idly on the arm rest.

Thor thought Tony needed something to do, to get down to his lab and  _ invent  _ something, needed to get that amazing mind working again. Being still, being idle like this wasn't good for a man who never used to stop working long enough to sleep.

But he didn't say any of that. Instead, Thor cleared his throat to let Tony know he was there, and crossed the room to his side.

“I thought you might want some dinner.” Thor said quietly and set a bowl of pasta down in Tony's lap. “Just a few bites, Anthony. For me.”

“Why… are you cooking for me?” The words came slowly, almost painfully as if he wasn't used to talking, and Tony looked up to just barely meet Thors eyes.

“Why wouldn't I?” Thor tried for a light tone. “I am cooking for myself, and I hate to eat alone.”

“Hm.” Was all Tony said, but when Thor didn't look away, he sighed and picked up his fork, taking a tiny bite. “It's good.” He said then, sounding a little surprised, and Thor tried to hide his grin.

They are in silence, Thor finishing everything in his bowl, Tony only managing five or six bites before he put his fork down and pushed the bowl away.

“Thanks.”

“Why aren't you eating, Anthony?”

Tony froze, a quick flash of panic on his face, then that blank expression dropped back down over his features.

“Not hungry.” His stomach protested then, gurgling loudly and Tony flinched at the sound. 

“You are obviously hungry.” Thor corrected gently. “Tell me why you aren't eating.”

Tony stared down at his still full bowl for a long time and Thor just waited patiently.

“It distracts me.” He said finally. 

“From what?”

“From everything.” A thin shoulder lifted in a shrug. “Can't focus on how bad this all…. how bad everything is if my stomach hurts.”

“And the drinking?”

“We both know I've been borderline alcoholic for years.” It should have sounded like a joke, like sarcasm, but in that flat tone the words just sounded awful and painful and  _ true _ . “It wasn't a big leap into full time drinking.” Tony picked at his chair a little. “Don't notice how empty the compound is if my vision is too blurry to see.” 

“Anthony.” Thor couldn't keep the anguish from his voice. “ _ Anthony.” _

“I'm alright.” Tony said with another one of those half shrugs. “Doing just fine, Thor. You don't have to stay.”

But Thor stayed, sitting in silence across from the man he had known for years now, the man who had literally changed the world with his genius, with the technology that came to life under his fingers, the man who had brought a mismatched handful of random people together and gave them a home and a  _ purpose _ . 

And now Tony was alone. Just horribly, completely alone. And the injustice of it all ate at Thor's conscience.

So he stayed until the sun went down and Tony started drinking.

Stayed and watched until Tony finally put the bottle down, his movements too sloppy to pour another glass.

Thor stayed until Tony passed out in his chair, head lolling against the back rest, all the worry and stress lines crossing his face somehow looking  _ worse  _ after he was asleep.

Then Thor picked him up, holding him close to his chest for the few steps to his bed, and tucked him in carefully, just like he had the night before. A few bottles of water as well as some painkillers for his hangover in the morning. 

A kiss to each of Tony's eyelids, and Thor frowned when Tony rolled away from him again, curling tightly into the fetal position, a soft whimper from his lips.

“I'm not leaving you, Anthony.” He murmured. “You aren't alone anymore.”

Thor sat back in the chair next to Tony's bed to keep watch all night, and tilted his head to listen to the rain as it came down against the windows.


	3. Chapter 3

Days went by and Thor kept trying, kept bringing Tony food during the day, kept sitting by his bed at night, kept trying to talk to him.

Tony just didn't care.

Thor sat with him in the afternoon and told him stories of Asgard, the kind of stories that used to make his dark eyes light up and a flush settle in his cheeks. He told him of the dragon he had fought, of the battles he had won, he even talked about Loki, some of the practical jokes the Trickster god played on the unsuspecting visitors to Asgard. 

And Tony didn't care.

Thor tried to make his favorite foods, light pasta salads some nights and good heavy steaks the next. Omelets for breakfast, and sandwiches piled high with meat and cheese for lunch. He even made a chocolate cake one day, and placed a giant piece in front of Tony as pleased as can be. 

Tony had swiped a finger through the frosting and licked it off thoughtfully, then pushed the plate away.

He just… didn't care. About anything. 

And Thor didn't know what to do. 

He didn't know how to bring that spark back into Tony's eyes, and it was killing him. 

*****************

Tony woke up screaming that night and Thor startled awake, jumping from his chair and stepping quickly to Tony's bed.

“Anthony.” Thor murmured. “Cease, Anthony. Come now, I'm here.” He ran his hands up and down Tony's arm soothingly. “Settle.” 

Tony's eyes flew open, and he was gasping, still nearly screaming and Thor leaned over him, trying to stay calm, trying not to act like Tony's scream hadn't frightened him half to death.

“Just a dream, Anthony. A nightmare. All is well.”

Tony kept blinking up at him in confusion, then looked down at where Thors hands were still rubbing calming strokes up his arms. 

“Why are you touching me?” Tony asked, his voice shaky. “Why are you in my room?”

“I heard you scream.” Thor said softly. “Are the nightmares always like this? What can I do to--”

“You're still touching me.” Tony interrupted, and he swallowed hard. “ _ Why are you still touching me?” _

“Anthony, I am simply trying to--” Thor didn't think anything about his next movement. The need to  _ comfort _ was so strong, that he reached without thinking, and cupped Tony's jaw, letting his long fingers stroke through the messy goatee and down to Tony's neck. “Let me comfort you.”

“Get the  _ fuck--” _ Tony jerked away as hard as he could, scrambling across the bed and actually falling off the other side. 

“Anthony!” Thor stepped around the bed and went to crouch down by him. “Why would you--”

“No! No!!” Tony grabbed a pillow from the bed and clutched it to his chest, hiding his face. “Don't fucking come near me. Don't  _ fucking come near me. _ ”

Thor put his hands in the air and backed up several steps, kneeling on the floor so he was closer to Tony's eye level. 

“Anthony.” His voice was strained. “Forgive me, I didn't think such a thing would--”

“Do you know what happened the last time you touched me?” Tony's voice was still edging on hysterical. “Do you remember?”

“No.” Thor was racking his brain. Other than the occasional overly long hug in greeting, and the times Tony had fallen asleep on him during movie nights or after a long day, Thor couldn't remember ever touching Tony  _ at all _ , much less in a way that would make him scream. “No, I don't remember--”

“You walked into my lab and picked me up by my throat and tried to snap my neck!” Tony was crying now, thick tears leaving tracks down his face, dripping onto the pillow he was clutching so desperately. “After Ultron. You walked right in, picked me right up off the floor.  _ Threatened _ me.” 

“Oh.” Thor sat back on his heels with a horrified groan. “Oh, oh  _ no _ . Anthony I am so--”

“No one ever touches me just because they  _ want _ to.” Tony spat. “All of you fucking Avengers. Every last fucking one of you has put your hands on me to hurt me. All my teammates. Every time a  _ teammate  _ touches me it hurts and I----” he dropped his face into the pillow then, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed. “I told you I didn't want you here. Why the  _ fuck  _ are you here and--and  _ touching _ me. Don't fucking touch me. Not ever.” 

“Forgive me, Anthony.” 

“Get out. Just get out. I don't want you here.  _ Get out _ .”

Thor didn't leave though. He  _ couldn't _ . He just scooted farther back from Tony, leaning up against the wall to give Tony as much space as he needed, and watched the man fall apart.

And Tony sobbed into his pillow until he was exhausted, and fell asleep curled up there next to his bed.

Thor wanted so badly to go over and pick Tony up and put him back in bed, but he didn't dare, not after  _ that _ . 

He couldn't believe that he had forgotten about Ultron, about that awful moment when he had thought Tony had doomed the world. He had just walked in and wrapped his hand around Tony's throat and lifted him above his head.

Thor remembered now, vividly. He had been  _ furious _ that Tony could do something so reckless like creating an AI that could potentially destroy their world,  _ furious _ that Tony seemed to be so blasé about it all. Tony had even made a joke, something about Thor needing to use his words, and that had only made Thor angrier. But it hadn't been until Captain Rogers had stepped in that Thor had let him go. He had dropped Tony without a second thought, and moved on to solving the bigger problem.

Tony had never brought it up again, brushing it off so they could all save Sokovia, and Thor had dismissed it as nothing, blasting off to Asgard to deal with those problems. 

And now Tony couldn't even handle being touched by Thor, the memory of that day burned into his memories as a horrible, nightmare inducing moment. 

Thor stared down at his hands, curled them into fists. 

Before Ultron, before the whole mess with Sokovia, he and Tony had been getting close. Or  _ closer _ rather. They shared jokes and coffee in the morning. They played pranks on the rest of the team, and not a single day went by without Thor teasingly telling Tony to pick up Mjolnir. He had always been welcome in Tony's lab, usually bringing the genius food because Tony forgot to eat, and they would sit for hours as Tony geeked out over his new tech, and Thor calmly proclaimed it all magic, much to Tony's annoyance.

There had been the time where Tony had stumbled upstairs from his lab and collapsed across the couch, halfway to sleeping without even realizing he had landed in Thor’s lap. And Thor had let him sleep, held him tight for hours. It had happened again and again after that, and it got to the point where Thor just posted up on the couch in the lab and called Tony over to get some rest. Tony always came over to him, snuggled up close each and every time. And Thor fell slowly and inexorably in love every single time.

Then Ultron.

And now  _ this _ .

And now Thor was sitting across the room from Tony, listening to the catch in his breath, watching the tears drying on his face…. and hating himself.

He didn't know how to fix this.

And for the first time in the weeks since he'd been back, Thor thought that he might  _ not  _ actually fix this.

*******************

“Do you know why I used to sleep on you?” Tony's voice broke Thor from an uneasy sleep, and he coughed to clear his throat, rubbing his eyes. 

“Anthony, please let me apologize for--”

“Do you know why I used to sleep on you?” Tony repeated. “Back before...everything? It was because you were the only person who didn't make it seem like a big deal.”

“I don't really---” Thor spread his hands uncertainly. “What do you mean by that?”

“I used to fall asleep on Pepper, but you know… she's not around anymore. Hasn't been for a long time. And Rhodey. I mean he has his own life, couldn't be around every time I needed a nap. And now… now he can't be around hardly at all. And then when the team moved in, I usually just collapsed on one of them. But they always made me feel… like a pain in the ass.” he shifted a little against the wall, still holding that pillow tight to his chest. 

“Natasha would push me off, and Steve was so homophobic from being a good Catholic boy, he was never comfortable with it. Clint was the best I guess. Must of been because of his kids. But he didn't really like it.” 

“But the first time I fell asleep on you, when I woke up you just smiled and asked me how I slept. So I did it again. And you were always nice. And big.” Tony's lips curled just the slightest bit. “I liked how big you were. But I hated how big you were when you grabbed me like that. I didn't think I'd ever be afraid of you, but I was scared to death right then.” 

“Forgive me.” Thor whispered and clenched his fists. “Anthony, I am so sorry.” 

“It is what it is.” Tony shrugged a little and fell silent. 

“I would enjoy it, if you would sleep on me again.” Thor offered, his voice gentle. “I always enjoyed those moment, enjoyed being something relaxing for you when you were always so stressed.” He leaned forward. “I'm here again, Anthony. We could always--”  but Tony shook his head firmly. 

“No thanks.” 

“I will make us some breakfast, then.” Thor stood to his feet slowly, feeling the weight of an emotional night heavy on his shoulders. 

“No thanks.” Tony said again and Thor closed his eyes for a second. 

“Please. Just a few bites.”

“I'm not hungry.” 

“Yes you are.” Thor came closer to him, far enough away that he couldn't touch, but close enough to see the bags under Tony's eyes, and the way his fingers were trembling. “You  _ are  _ hungry, Anthony. I'll make you whatever you want to eat. I'm here now. You don't have to be hungry anymore as a...a distraction. I can be a distraction instead.”

Tony finally looked up to meet his eyes, and his grip on the pillow loosened slightly. “You are pretty distracting. Big guy like you.”

“I will be as distracting as I possibly can.” Thor promised, his blue eyes warming with hope. “Just eat with me.” 

“Fine.” Tony ignored Thor’s outstretched hand and lifted himself off the floor, swaying for a moment as he tried to find his balance. Thor reached out automatically to steady him and Tony took a step away. “ _ Don’t _ . I mean, I--I feel better about you. But still… don't. Not--not yet.”

“I'm sorry.” Thor dropped his hand and tried not to think about how badly it hurt to be rejected like that.

“I think--” Tony looked at the floor, then out the windows before finally meeting Thors gaze. “I think we will get there again. I think I want to get there again? But not yet.”

“I have had many centuries to learn patience.” Thor said quietly. “I can wait.”

“You might need centuries worth of patience to deal with me.” Tony muttered, but his lips lifted in what  _ might  _ have been the tiniest smile.

“Worth it.” Thor stated firmly. “You are worth it, Anthony.” 

Another one of those tiny smiles, and Tony turned and headed out the door. 

Thor pressed a hand over his aching heart, and followed.


	4. Chapter 4

“You don't work in your laboratory anymore?” Thor asked over lunch a few days later, and Tony shook his head.

“Why would I?” 

“You always enjoyed…”

“Not anymore.” Tony took a sip of his water and the barest nibble of a bite of chicken. “Nope. No team to make gear for.”

“You used to just…” Thor searched for the right word. “Tinker. With your robots.”

“No.” Tony pushed his plate away. “I don't--don't want to build anything anymore.” 

“That's too bad.” Thor watched him pick at his food for a few more minutes. “Anthony, would you please just--” he got up and walked around the table to sit right next to Tony, spearing a piece of chicken and propping it up in front of his mouth. “Open.” 

“You're  _ not _ going to feed me like a child.” Tony protested. 

“ _ Open _ .” Thor demanded, his voice going deep, and Tony's eyes widened, his jaw dropping open automatically to take the bite off Thor’s fork. 

“Better.” Thor got another piece ready. “Again.” 

“Are we really going to--”

“ _ Again _ .” Thor demanded and Tony swallowed hastily, taking another bite. “Better.” Thor’s tone softened as he scooped even more onto the fork this time, and Tony didn't try to argue, just opened his mouth and ate each forkful that Thor put in front of him. 

Thor smiled and made encouraging noises as Tony ate, until was only a few bites of food left in the bowl. 

“Thank you.” He said then and handed Tony a bottle of water. “Thank you for eating for me.”

Tony didn't say anything for a long moment, then just jumped from his chair and made a beeline for the bathroom, his hand clapped over his mouth as he went. 

Thor followed quickly, and made it to the bathroom in time to hear Tony lose his lunch in the toilet, sobbing and retching into the bowl. 

“Anthony. I am so sorry...why-- was it the chicken?” Thor couldn’t stop himself from placing his hand on Tony's back, touching him carefully. “What is going on?” Tony flinched away from his hands and Thor pulled away immediately. 

“Too much food.” Tony gasped and dropped onto the floor next to the toilet, covering his face with his hands. “Too much food, not used to so much food, I couldn't keep it down.”

Thor cursed under his breath and sat down as well, dropping his head into his hands. “Forgive me. I was only trying to--”

“I know. Good intentions and all that.” Tony waved him off. “It's fine.” 

“Having good intentions does not excuse hurtful behavior.” Thor said softly and Tony twitched a little. 

“What?”

“Having good intentions, such as trying to get you to eat. Anthony, that does not excuse the fact that now you are hurting, and you are hurting because of  _ me _ . And I must apologise for that.”

“It's fine.” Tony shrugged and wiped his mouth, reaching up to flush the toilet. “It's fine, Thor.”

“It's  _ not _ .” Thor shook his head. 

“Yeah well. It doesn't matter much anyway, does it?” 

“It  _ does, _ Anthony.” Thor argued, and his blue eyes looked sad. “Everything about you matters.”

“I don't know what to say to that.” Tony took a long drink from his water bottle. “What am I supposed to say to that.” 

“You can just take it as truth.”

Tony just looked away and closed his eyes. “Whatever.” 

*************

*************

“Will you tell me what happened with the team?” Thor asked as he sat in Tony's room and watched him pour a glass of scotch. Tony had been talking more these last few days, even after the incident with the chicken, and Thor was encouraged by it. Anything was better than that awful silence, so tonight he took a chance at letting Tony open up to him. 

“Not much to tell.” Tony took a long drink, and offered Thor the bottle, but the demi-god turned it down. “Things went badly during a mission, people died who shouldn't have died. The UN demanded that we be held accountable or basically disband. I wanted to sign the Accords, Cap refused.”

“Why did the Captain refuse?” 

“His friend had been sited near a UN bombing, and Steve thought he was innocent. So he crossed national borders wearing that stupid spangled outfit and went after his buddy. Caused a huge international incident, and the UN asked the Avengers to intervene.” Tony shifted uncomfortably, the memories still a little too raw.

“And that was the fight in the airport? With the giant man and the--the spider?” 

“ _ God _ .” Tony laughed a little and Thor flinched because it  _ wasn't _ a good sound. “God, yeah that was… that's what that was. A nightmare. You should have seen Clint and Tasha fighting each other. Fucking Wanda accused Clint of pulling his punches and basically obliterated Tasha. That ant guy. One second he was tiny and ripping wires from my suit. The next minute he's huge and throwing airplanes at us. 

“Sam Wilson and the fucking Winter Soldier fighting  _ together  _ as if they were just best friends all the sudden. It was nuts. It was…” Tony swallowed hard. “It was like something out of a comic book but I was just right there in the middle of it.”

“The...cat person.” Thor prompted. 

“Prince T’Challa of Wakanda. Or rather, King now. He would have ripped Bucky to pieces if he had the chance.” 

“And he is… against you, now?” Thor watched as Tony nearly collapsed into his chair, his hands trembling around the glass. 

“No. I think he is neutral. I think once he decided not to pursue Bucky anymore, he gave up the whole vengeance thing.” 

“And Captain Rogers and this...Bucky. Left you in--”

“I can't talk about that.” Tony gripped his glass tight. “I can't. Don't ask. Don't even--just don't. Don't. Please. I can't talk about that and I can't talk about Rhodey.” His voice broke then, his shoulders starting to shake. “Goddamnit. Vision and--and that stupid beam. And then Rhodey fell and--oh my god  _ Rhodey _ .”

He groaned then, rocking in his chair a little. “Nightmares. Watching Rhodey fall like that. I couldn't grab him in time. He hurts so bad. Every day. He  _ hurts  _ and I've tried to help him walk, tried to build braces but he can't--the pain-- _ fuck _ .” Tony closed his eyes. “ _ Fuck.” _

“Anthony.” Thor knelt by his chair, wanting to reach out, but keeping his hands to himself. “I'm so sorry.” 

“You didn't do anything wrong.” Tony said wearily. “Stop apologizing. You keep apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong.”

“Neither did you.” Thor pointed out. “And yet, I have seen hours of footage of you apologizing to the UN and individual countries as well as our own cities, for the impact the rogue Avengers have had on their--”

“Don't call them that!” Tony's voice rose. “They aren't...rogue. They are just...gone. Just  _ gone _ . Rogue makes them sound like criminals, like they are purposefully breaking laws and--”

“But they are. They did, didn't they? As soon as Captain Rogers decided to pursue Bucky across international borders? As soon as he broke into that floating raft--prison--thing, and freed them. They  _ are _ criminals.”

“Just don't call them that. And of course I apologized. Someone has to clean up the mess.” 

“And that someone has to be you?” Thor raised an eyebrow and Tony's head jerked up to stare at him. 

“Yes! Thor,  _ someone  _ has to step up and do the right thing and I'm the only one left, so of course I'm the one too--” his voice trailed off and he slumped back into his seat again. “I'm the only one left.”

Thor smiled then, because Tony's eyes had lit and his cheeks had flushed and for a few seconds he had looked like himself again. 

“I'm here as well, Tony.” Gently, softly, Thors deep voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, you didn't leave when I told you to.” 

“And I won't.” Thor said firmly. “I won't leave you. You aren't going to be alone anymore, Anthony.” 

“I know.” Tony drained his glass and poured another. “You say it every night when you put me in bed.” 

“You hear that?” Thor asked, his voice softening even more and Tony nodded. 

“Yeah. The crazy thing is, I'm even starting to believe it.”

*********************

The next night at dinner, Tony left his seat and sat next to Thor on the couch.

“Are you alright?” Thor asked, and Tony opened his mouth, waiting for Thor to give him some food. 

Thor smiled and carefully scooped a few peas onto a spoon to feed Tony the little bite. “Good?” he asked quietly and Tony nodded and scooted a little closer. 

“Can I have some more?” 

“However much you want. Small bites this time, hm?”

“Small bites.” Tony agreed and it seemed as if his eyes warmed a little, seemed like maybe he moved just a little closer again.

“Alright then.” Thor offered him another bite, and then another until Tony pushed the spoon away with a shake of his head. 

“Thanks.” He took a quick drink, flushing when he noticed Thor's eyes tracking the movement of his throat. “Why are you--why are you looking at me like that?”

Thor was ready to brush the question off, ready to just shrug and change the subject, but Tony had been being painfully honest with him lately, and open and vulnerable, so Thor took a deep breath and decided to be open as well. “May I kiss you, Anthony?” 

“What?” Tony blinked at him uncertainly. “Why would you want to kiss me?”

“I've wanted to kiss you for a long time.” Thor said with a short smile, but Tony was already shaking his head.

“But you never said anything. Not once, you  _ never _ did. Why wouldn't you try back when things were good? Why all the sudden now when things are---” Tony's eyes widened. “Don't kiss me now because you feel sorry for me. That's…” his expression dimmed. “I don't want a pity kiss from the god of thunder. No thanks.”

“No.” Thor shook his head quickly. “Anthony that's not why--”

“Good night.” Tony got to his feet abruptly and headed out the door grabbing a bottle of liquor as he went.


	5. Chapter 5

“Actually, you know what?” Thor jumped when Tony appeared in his bedroom suddenly , swaying drunkenly in his doorway. “Why  _ didn't  _ you ever kiss me? I wasn't with Pepper for very long. She basically bailed on me after Extremis. I have been single for  _ years.  _ You… lived in the Tower for ages, lived in the compound for a while. You never said  _ anything.”  _ He took a long swig from his bottle and Thor smothered a sigh. 

“Perhaps we should have this conversation in the morning.” He said quietly. “I shouldn't have said anything tonight. We were having a good day and I upset you.”

“Yeah, the day was fucking  _ fantastic _ .” Tony rolled his eyes. “You know what the problem is? No one ever hesitates to tell me when I'm doing something wrong. Everybody's quick to tell me as soon as I fuck up. Even you. So quick to put your hands on me. But no one  _ ever  _ just voluntarily says nice things to me. Even when they ask if I'm okay it's like an afterthought and I--” Tony scrubbed a hand down his face.

“You know what?  _ Fuck you _ , Thor. I was doing just fine here, pretending like nothing happened and now you show up and got me talking about shit and I can't seem to stop crying and--and--” he shook his head, his words slurring. “Just nevermind. Would you please just leave? I was doing fine. Coping. Starving, whatever. I was doing fine. I don't need you here forcing food down my throat and offering… pity.  _ Fuck you _ .” 

Thor shot off his bed and grabbed Tony as he stumbled and nearly fell. 

“I'm not going  _ anywhere _ .” Thor wrapped a thick arm around Tony's waist to hold him up, and brushed the other hand through Tony's messy hair cautiously, waiting for Tony to pull away or tell him not to touch. “I'm not going  _ anywhere _ , Anthony. I will be here until we have figured this all out.”

“Why didn't you ever kiss me?” Tony didn't pull away at all, leaning into him instead, burying his face in Thor's broad chest. “You had tons of chances. And I would have loved to know someone wanted me… to know someone…”

“Forgive me.” Thor cradled Tony's head gently, pressing him closer. “Forgive me for not realizing what you needed.”

Tony didn't say anything for a long time, and Thor just held him, letting go only long enough to take the bottle from Tony's hand and set it on a side table before pulling him close again. 

Tony wasn't even holding Thor at all, wasn't even trying. He was just resting limply against him and finally Thor just scooped him up in his arms and set off towards his room. 

“I'll put you to bed, Anthony. We can talk in the morning.” 

“Will you stay with me?” Tony's hands curled into his shirt suddenly, his face pressed a little tighter against him. “Please stay with me. I'm so tired of being alone. I told you to go but I don't want you to go.  _ Please  _ stay with me.”

Thor bit his lip against the impulse to shout  _ yes. “ _ I don't think I should tonight. I'll sit beside your bed but nothing further.”

“Because I'm drunk.”

“Because you're drunk.” Thor agreed, shifting Tony in his arms to open the door. “I do not want you to regret this decision in the morning.”

“So if I was sober, you would stay? Would you-- would you lay with me?”

“If you were sober, would you  _ ask _ me to stay?” Thor set Tony down gently on the bed, pulling the covers up around his chest.”

“I don't know.” Tony closed his eyes. “I don't know what I'd do if I was sober. I'm not  _ ever  _ sober anymore.”

Thor was thankful Tony's eyes were closed so he didn't have to hide the anguish that washed his features, and reached out to brush Tony's hair from his forehead, thankful that he didn't flinch away from his touch. 

“Are you going to sit here all night?” 

“I'll be right here.” Thor settled into the chair beside Tony's bed. “I'm not going anywhere.” 

A crack of lightning outside and Tony jumped a little, eyes flying to the windows as rain started pelting the glass. 

“It is raining because you’re sad?” He curled into a little ball on the bed, his voice muffled in the covers. “God of Thunder and all that?”

“It storms because  _ you  _ are sad Anthony. Your heartbreak calls to Nature herself.” 

“You should write poetry.” Tony mumbled and Thor allowed himself a tiny smile. 

“I would write poetry for you, Anthony.”

***************

***************

“I'm hungover.” Tony slumped in the kitchen chair the next morning and Thor calmly put a glass of something green in front of him. “What is this?”

“It will help your head.” Thor was speaking softly, watching Tony turn away from the light, dropping his ever present sunglasses down over his eyes. “Drink it all, quickly.”

Tony didn't even hesitate, just tipped his head back and pounded it--

\--and promptly started hacking and coughing, grabbing at his chest as it burned all the way down his throat.

“Thor!” He gasped. “ _ Why?” _

“It will make you feel better, I promise.” But Thor's eyes narrowed in concern when Tony wrapped both arms around himself as he coughed. “Anthony it should not hurt this badly---”

“My chest.” Tony groaned. “ _ Hurts _ . Never healed all the way and--”

Thor cursed loudly and dropped to his knees in front of Tony, planting a big hand in the center of his chest and pressing firmly.

“Sit up and breathe slowly.” He instructed and Tony obeyed, sitting back in the chair and trying to take deep breaths, both hands coming up to grip Thor's wrist. “Anthony, I did not realize your chest still pained you. From your reactor? When they removed it?”

“Steve's shield.” Tony managed in between pants. “When he--in my suit. Busted my sternum and they---” tears sprang to his eyes as he struggled to draw another breath, and he pushed sunglasses off to wipe at them. “They had to put a bar in my chest to keep me together. Heavy. It hurts. Coughing  _ hurts _ .” 

“I am so sorry.” Thor could have kicked himself for messing up  _ again _ . “I was trying to help and hurt you again.”

“No.” Tony shook his head. “It's fine. I'm  _ fine _ .” But his fingers didn't loosen around Thor's wrist, and his face was paler than usual. 

“You're  _ not _ .” Thor kept his hand pressed tight over Tony chest. “And I am sorry.”

“You didn't know.” Tony was still shaking his head, his breath finally coming easier. “Really, it's fine. I just need a moment.”

“Does this help?” Thor flexed his fingers lightly and Tony nodded.

“Maybe not physically, but it's nice. Grounding. Please don't move.”

“Not until you're ready.” Thor assured him, and they sat in silence until Tony could finally sit up straight and take a full breath. 

“Alright.” He coughed a little, flinching when it stung. “Thank you. That's a lot easier when someone else is here.”

“Could I--” Thor cleared his throat. “Might I see? Your chest? Your scar?”

“It's a mess.” Tony warned. “Frankenstein.”

“I do not understand that reference.”

“Monster.” Tony clarified. “I look like a monster.” But he let go of Thor's wrist and unbuttoned his shirt with slightly shaking  hands, pushing the edges aside so Thor could see the damage.

“Oh.” Thor didn't know what else to say. “ _ Oh.”  _

Tony's chest was a  _ mess _ , the pale skin criss crossed by the old scars from the shrapnel, newer scars from when he'd gotten the arc reactor removed. And down the center of his chest, neat rows of thick scars from stitching him back together and Thor knew if he tried, he would be able to feel the iron bar holding Tony together. 

“Anthony.” He breathed and closed his eyes as they clouded over. 

“Frankenstein, right?” Tony said quietly, and his voice hitched. “It's alright though. No one here to see the scars, so it doesn't really matter.”

“I'm here.” Thor answered and opened his eyes to meet Tony's gaze. “ _ I'm  _ here,  _ elskan mín _  and this--” his fingers hovered just over the mess of scars. “This hurts me, to know how badly you must hurt every day.” 

“I've gotten used to it.” Tony's eyes were wide and soft and Thor couldn't look away, couldn't stop himself from flattening his hand over the rough skin, calloused palm catching on the rough raised edges of the scars. “Besides, now I'm literally Iron Man whether I want to be or not, right?” 

He was joking, but Thor didn't laugh, didn't even smile. Those blue eyes just dimmed in sadness and Tony was suddenly struck by  _ just how much  _ Thor cared. Up until now Tony had assumed it was some left over guilt, or the demi-gods natural need to take care of someone, but he could  _ see it  _ now. Thor hadn't been joking when he said he wasn't going anywhere. When he said Tony was worthwhile. Not even when he said he'd wanted to kiss him.

Tony could see it all in his eyes, and the stubborn set to that perfect jaw and in the way Thors fingers were stroking over the scars  pressing lightly as if he could heal them just by touching them.

A frisson of heat went through him when Thor bit his lip in thought, and Tony was surprised, surprised that he could feel anything like that at all anymore. 

“Um. I'm sober.” Tony whispered then, startling Thor from his thoughts. “Will you kiss me now? I mean, I taste like whatever the hell was in that glass but---”

“Anthony _.”  _ Thor said hoarsely and leaned in to touch his mouth to Tony's in the barest kiss. 

Tony didn't kiss him back, not really, his lips only slightly pursed against Thor's, but he sighed a little when Thor started to pull away. 

“ _ Elskan mín _ .” Thor murmured, and lifted his other hand up cup Tony's jaw. “Perfect.”

Tony flushed dark red. “Did you really want to kiss me, before?”

“Of course.” 

“Then will you--will you kiss me again then?” He brought his hands up to hold Thor's biceps. “Just again like--like you did?”

Thor murmured something Tony didn't catch, and covered his mouth again, longer this time, his lips moving gently over Tony's.

“That's good.” Tony's dark eyes were sparkling when they parted and Thor sent him a curious look.

“And yet you don't kiss me back?” 

“Sorry.” Tony bit his lip and look away, his hands falling from Thor's arms. “It's been a long time since I had the chance to--or even wanted to do this sort of thing. I guess I'm not as ready as I thought to-to reciprocate. It's nice though. Being--being like this. I forgot. It's nice with you.”

“There is no rush.” Thor assured him, and sat back on his heels to give Tony a little space, leaving his hand on Tony's chest still, running his thumb in small strokes over a particularly nasty scar. “I am simply pleased that you are no longer flinching away as if I'm going to hurt you.”

“I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have said anything about that. It doesn't even matter.” Tony pushed Thor’s hand away and started buttoning his shirt again, trying to push a nonchalant tone into the words. “Seems like everything is kind of bubbling to the surface lately and--and  I'm saying a lot of things I wouldn't usually say and--” Thor saw the soft light in Tony's eyes turn to stress, the moment turning that quickly from sweet to painful.

“You don't have to hide from me.” Thor nearly pleaded with him. “I would much rather you talk, even about painful things, than see you staring at the walls or out the windows. Everything you think matters, I want to hear it all.”

Tony met his eyes then, and the absolute anguish in them took Thor's breath away. “You would rather me talk? About  _ what _ ?  I'm  _ depressed _ Thor. Really really depressed. And for whatever reason, talking to you is easy and everything seems to just spill out when I'm around you and I'm sorry for venting on you and crying,  _ damn it _ , I've cried so much since you got here and --” Tony's voice was rising as he started babbling, panicking.

“Seems like you've just sort of ripped all the bandages off and it all hurts so bad. It hurts  _ so bad _ Thor. I know FRIDAY showed you the footage, and it's pathetic.  _ I _ was pathetic. I should have just given in, should have listened to Steve and put my pride aside, but I didn't. I  _ didn't  _ and so many people got hurt because of me. My friends carted off like criminals because I wouldn't cave. It's my fault really.”

A deep shuddering breath then, and Thor reached out to hold Tony's hands. He wanted to deny everything, shake Tony until he quit blaming himself, but he  _ couldn't _ , so he just held Tony's hands and let it all come pouring out.

“It's my fault.” Tony said again, and his voice sounded  _ raw  _ and terrible.” All of it. Ultron. The Accords. They are calling it a Civil War, did you know that? A Civil War within the Avengers. And it's awful. I miss them. Miss them so much. Pepper is….Pepper is gone. Has been gone for a long time. That's my fault. Extremis was  _ my  _ fault.  And Rhodey’s in too much pain most days to even leave his house. My fault. Clint hasn't seen his kids in a year. My fault. I should have just--I could have done things so differently and I didn't. I  _ didn't.” _

His voice finally trailed off, and he slumped in his chair, looking defeated.

“Pour me a drink.” He whispered. “I can't handle this. Can't handle the--the memories and the pain. Everything hurts. Everything hurts and I just want it all to stop hurting. Pour me a drink.”

“No.” Thor whispered, just as soft. “No, Anthony. No drinks. No numbing the pain. Say it all. Say everything. I'm here and I can take it. I can take your pain,  _ elskan mín _ . Give it all to me.”

“ _ Pour me a drink _ .” Tony said again, louder this time. “I'm a  _ mess  _ Thor. Physically and mentally and--and I mean we were having this nice moment and what? I'm too fucked up to even kiss you back. Too screwed up to go more than an hour without having a melt down and--and--” Tony's voice broke, his words coming out choked.

“Get me a drink. Or take me to bed. Do  _ something _ . Be a distraction.  _ Something. _ ” Tony was crying now. “This is why I didn't want anyone here. Nobody needs to see me like this. Nobody wants to see me like  _ this.” _

“I want to see you every way, Anthony.” Thor stood and picked Tony up in one easy movement, careful not to jostle him, and was heading out the door before Tony could protest. “I would rather you show me  _ this  _ than shut me out.”

“Nine am and I'm already a goddamn mess.” Tony was muttering, not even acknowledging Thor's words. “Why did I even get out of bed? Can't fucking finish a sentence without crying. So tired of crying. I can't function, can't do this anymore, can't do this anymore, don't want to do this anymore--”

“Shhh.” Thor hushed him gently and held him tighter until he made it to Tony's room. “You don't have to do this alone, I am here.” He set Tony down carefully against the pillows. “I'm here, Anthony, I will help.” He smoothed Tony's hair back from his forehead. “One day at a time, hm? Some days will be hard, others will be better.”

“Stay with me.” Tony grabbed his shirt when Thor tried to pull away. “I'm sober. I'm  _ asking _ . Stay with me. Please.  _ Please.” _

“I'll stay.” Thor closed the curtains, and turned the fan on before stretching out next to Tony in the bed. “As long as you want.”

Tony hesitated only a moment, then turned towards him and Thor lay an arm carefully around his waist.

“Is this alright?”

“ _ Yes _ .” Tony closed his eyes and seemed to deflate into the blankets, looking small against the pillows. “Will you kiss me again?”

“Are you sure?” 

“Please.” Tony tilted his face up. “ _ Please _ . I just need to… not feel like this.”

So Thor bent down and dropped light kisses on each of Tony's eyelids, over his forehead and cheeks, the very tip of his nose and finally, when Tony whined in frustration, his lips. 

Then his lips again, and  _ again _ , because Tony made a desperate little noise and his hands crept up to Thor's shoulders, so Thor leaned over him further and kissed him harder, coaxing Tony to kiss him back with nips to his bottom lip, teasing little licks across the seam of his mouth. 

And Tony kissed him eagerly, needy gasps coming from his throat and a low moan when Thor pressed against him and Tony could feel him thick and  _ huge  _ against his thigh. 

“ _ God  _ Thor.” Tony broke their kiss and squeezed his eyes shut, but not before Thor caught the flash of panic, and instantly was giving him some space, loosening his grip on Tony's waist and dropping a light kiss on Tony's cheek, brushing their noses together. 

“It's alright, Anthony.” 

“Don't stop.” Tony shook his head. “ _ Damn _ it. I need--I need--”

“You need to be  _ held _ .” Thor finished for him. “And I will hold you as long as you want. But you do not need...this. You told me that you weren't ready to reciprocate, and that is fine. All is well.” 

“But you wanted to kiss me, right?” Tony asked, and it was Thor's turn to moan, unable to help the flex of his hips against Tony's leg.

“Of course,  _ Elskan mín _ . Always. But I am content to simply hold you as well. We have time for moments like this. There is no rush.” 

Tony just watched him for a moment, then closed his eyes and moved closer until his forehead rested in Thor's chest. 

“What does ‘elaska mint’ mean?” He mumbled and Thor smiled into his hair.

“ _ Elskan mín.  _ It is like… sweetheart. Beloved.” He answered, his voice sounding gruff as emotion rose in his throat.

“I like it.” Tony dug his fingers into Thor's shirt. “A lot.”

Thor just kissed his head and held him tight, only closing his eyes after he knew Tony was asleep. 

********************

Tony slept all day and halfway through the night, and when he woke up, Thor was still there, running thick fingers through his hair and murmuring soft things in one of the Asgardian languages. 

“I'm awake.” Tony said with a yawn and Thor kissed his forehead

“I will make you something to eat.”

“And I'll--I'll eat it.” Tony promised. 

“Excellent.” Thor said with a pleased smile, and Tony gave him a tiny smile back. 

This could… this could work. 

Then Thor dropped his head and pressed the lightest kiss to Tony's lips and the tiny smile grew bigger. 

This would be good.


	6. Chapter 6

So it still wasn't easy, not even close, but things were getting better, now. 

Thor made three meals a day, and true to his word, Tony ate a little bit each time. Sometimes he was sick almost immediately after, and other times, he would rub his stomach with a sort of pleased look on his face and Thor would grin so broadly he thought his face would split. 

Thor made him go outside, taking walks to get fresh air and sunshine on his face until Tony's cheeks were red and his hair was windblown. Tony even started coming along on grocery trips, picking out what he wanted to eat, even going so far as to pick out things  _ he  _ could cook, and every once in awhile Tony would make a meal just for Thor. 

He smiled more, never those heart stopping, full on charming grins from before, but small private smiles just for Thor in little moments of humour or when Thor was being especially sweet. 

They kissed most days, when Tony would tug on Thor’s hand shyly and tilt his head up for one. Most times he wouldn't kiss back, just smile a little and pull away. But sometimes, something would spark between them, and Thor was helpless against it, when Tony would suddenly kiss him back eagerly and make that soft little noise like he was  _ desperate _ . Those were the moments it took a large amount of Thors self control to pull away, those moments when Tony was pressing against him for more, scratching his nails down Thor's chest and nipping at Thor's lips to deepen the embrace.

Thor stayed with him almost every night now, too, as long as Tony was sober. He refused to sleep in the bed if Tony was drunk, not willing to put either of them in a position to go too far and give Tony a reason to be upset in the morning. The bad days were coming fewer and farther in between, and Thor counted each good day as a victory. 

It was the nights he stayed that Tony would talk the most, and all the stories came out, in short sentences and tears as Tony finally talked about it all in the dark room. 

He talked about how much Ultron had fucked him up. How badly things had gone with the Accords. The way it seemed like everyone just turned on him so quickly. How Natasha had switched sides right in the middle of the fight, and how Tony thought he could actually hit her for that. When he had visited the raft and begged for information about Steve and Bucky, and Clint had said all those things. 

“Sam was the one who talked to me.” Tony said slowly, sipping from his water, holding Thor’s hand tight as they sat in his bed, leaning up against the pillows to talk. “Clint just… he was so angry.  _ Bitter _ . Like he hated me. Just that fast. We went from friends to enemies. But Sam- who I've talked to maybe six times in my life.  _ He  _ was the one to trust me enough to tell me where Steve was. I think he felt bad about Rhodey.” 

“Vision had been aiming for him.” Thor said, and Tony nodded. 

“Sam dodged the beam, not his fault. It hit Rhodey instead. I could have killed him. Wanted to kill Sam and Vision and just… drop a building on everyone else. I think I was done then. Done caring.”

“But you  _ weren't _ . Because you went after Steve as a friend.” Thor pointed out.

“Yeah well, no one says I make the best decisions.” Tony took another drink and crumpled up the bottle. “Can I have a grown up drink now? I drank all my water.”

Thor shook his head and handed him another water. “You have been drinking too much, Anthony.” 

“Yeah. I know. I know.”

**************

The story about Russia finally came out one night as they lay in bed together, Thor’s arms wrapped tight around Tony's waist as he trembled and cried and cursed Steve, and Bucky, and Zemo. He talked about finding the other Winter Soldiers dead, about realizing Zemo was just trying to ruin them. About having to watch Bucky kill his parents. And having to see the look on Steve's face because he  _ knew _ . He had  _ known _ and had never thought to tell Tony. Probably never would have told Tony.

“Would you have wanted to know?” Thor asked, and Tony curled closer into him. 

“Of course. I can't say I wouldn't have tried to hurt Bucky, but--but at the end of the day, it's not his fault. He was just a weapon at Hydras disposal. And he looked…” Tony swallowed hard and scrubbed at the tears on his face. “He looked devastated.  _ Horrified  _ at seeing himself on that tv. Confused, even. I don't even know if he knew who those people were, or who I was, or that Steve even knew. When he fought me it wasn't like he was fighting me because he was trying to beat me, he was fighting for his life. He was scared I was going to kill him.”

“He wasn't innocent.” Thor said slowly and Tony closed his eyes, losing himself in the steady thrum of Thor’s heart, and the sound of the rain outside. 

“But he wasn't really guilty either, was he?” 

**********************

Another day, eating their dinner and Tony looked up suddenly.

“It's not all my fault, is it? Not really. I mean I made mistakes but… it wasn't all my fault?” His voice rose like he was asking a question and Thor was already shaking his head.

“No, Anthony. Every member of the team shares the blame. You are just the only one here facing the consequences, you are the only one here trying to right the wrongs.”

“You're here too.” Tony mumbled and Thor reached across to squeeze his hand.

“And I am not leaving.”

************************

“You have been drafting letters to the UN asking for pardons for the team.” Thor said, coming up on Tony at the kitchen table. “You want them home?”

“I've sent dozens of letters.” Tony muttered and shoved the files away from him. “They are Avengers, they need to be home.”

“You would welcome them back to the compound?”

Tony hesitate. “I don't--I haven't really thought that far ahead. But the world needs the Avengers and if I can bring them home then… I should try.”

“But do you  _ want  _ them home?” Thor pressed and Tony rubbed his eyes wearily. 

“I can't really think about that. What I want doesn't matter.”

“Doesn't it?”

“No.” Tony reached for the sandwich Thor had made him. “What I want doesn't matter. It's better for everyone if the team is home, so that's what I'm going to do. Besides I don't even… I don't even know what I want.” 

Thor let his big hand rest on Tony shoulders, massaging into the tense muscles there. He still never went near Tony's neck, even if his inclination was to wrap a hand around the back of Tony's neck and pull him close. Not to hurt him, no not ever, not again, but simply because it was a possessive hold and Thor… Thor was feeling  _ very  _ possessive lately.

It had been weeks now,  _ weeks  _ since that first kiss, and every time Tony lifted his face for another one, Thor had to stop himself from picking Tony up and tossing him into the nearest bed. 

The beautiful brunette was starting to fill out just a little again, thin shoulders and bony hips starting to soften, his ribs not quite so noticeable when Thor held him. His hair had even lost that dullness and was starting to shine again, especially now that Tony had started putting an effort into his grooming-- buying his fancy soaps and hair gels, keeping his goatee trimmed and neat. 

Every time he left bed and went to take a shower, Thor had to count down from a thousand in every language he knew to keep himself from joining Tony in the bathroom, and the sight of Tony in  _ just  _ a towel after his shower had Thor wishing he knew a immobility spell to bind himself to the bed so he wouldn't reach and touch. 

Tony seemed oblivious for the most part, but every once in while those dark eyes would spark and those pink lips would curl in a little smile and Tony would open his mouth like he was going to say something… and Thor would clench his fists and bite his tongue and pray to every god of every realm to grant him patience. 

Because he was not going to push Tony into anything. More often than not, Tony's body didn't respond at all as they kissed, even if Thor felt as if he was  _ always ready _ . But sometimes,when the moment was just right, Tony would press against him, rub against him almost lazily, with a heat in his eyes and a hitch in his breath and Thor was so close to being lost. 

And he loved Tony, of course he did. In fact Thor was starting to think maybe he had always loved Tony, and it was only here in their empty compound with no distractions that he had finally realized it. 

So he called Tony his beloved, _elskan_ _min_ , every chance he got, and every time Tony would blush and move just a little bit closer, be just a little more eager for a kiss, let Thor hold him just a little bit longer. 

And Thor was patient, of course he was. He was centuries old, after all. He had sat in stillness for days in meditation, waited for weeks for the perfect opportunity to strike at enemies, had studied for years to learn of Mjolnirs magick and powers and how he could use them. Thor was absolutely patient, absolutely willing to wait until Tony was ready to move forward. Willing to wait  _ longer  _ in case Tony was  _ never  _ ready. 

But then. Then there would be a moment like  _ now _ , and for whatever reason, Tony was looking up at him, dark eyes so soft, and hair mussed enough to make him look young, biting at his bottom lip nervously, and then he tilted his head up, lifted his chin and pursed his lips, and without a seconds hesitation, Thor was dropping to his knees in front of his chair, pressing between Tony's legs and slotting their mouths together. 

And  _ oh _ , Tony kissed him back this time, running his hands through Thor's long blond hair and tugging lightly, digging his fingers into Thor's shoulders and urging him closer, letting his tongue dance along the seam of Thors lips until the demi-god opened for him, and then they were tasting each other, and licking into each others mouths and Tony was making this sweet sound, like a moan, but  _ better _ , and Thor was damn near growling as he wrapped both hands around Tony's waist, and scooted him to the edge of the chair. And Tony rocked forward enough that Thor's hands slipped down to his hips and the curve of his ass, and Thor couldn't help squeezing, kneading at the muscles and Tony certainly couldn't help the way his whole body shuddered, the groan that came from somewhere deep inside his core. 

“ _ Fuck _ .” Tony pulled away first, pressing their foreheads together and sucking in a deep breath. 

“Anthony.” Thor murmured and tried to slow his breathing, tried to talk himself into letting go of Tony, tried to talk himself into easing them down from this suddenly and surprisingly charged moment. 

“I don't know how I feel about the team coming home.” Tony said then, and his voice was shaky enough that Thor wanted to smile, knowing that Tony was just as affected as he was this time. “I don't know how I feel about that. And I don't know what I want in terms of all of… that. I have no idea. But I know I want  _ you _ , Thor.” 

“What?” Thor asked, scarcely able to believe--

“I know I want  _ you _ .” Tony repeated quietly. “You told me you weren’t going to leave me, and you didn't. Told me you would help me work through this, and you  _ have _ . You hold me when I need it, and let me cry, and make me eat and don't let me slip back into… into all that. And you--” he closed his eyes and Thor pressed closer, murmuring soft, comforting things in his ear. “You don't think I'm ugly, because of my scars. And you don't think I'm an awful person, after all the damage I've caused.  And in the morning when we wake up together you always smile like I'm the best thing you've ever seen and---” his arms looped around Thor's neck. 

“And every time I am sad, it rains, and I know that's  _ you _ . And when I'm raging against the world, the wind howls, and I know that's  _ you _ . And sometimes when we kiss--” his lips lifted in a smile. “I can hear the thunder, and I know that's you and all I keep thinking about is..is what I would have to do to make it storm.” 

“Anthony.” Thor groaned and Tony's eyes went wide and soft. 

“Thor.” He swallowed hard and licked his lips. “Will you show me… will you make a storm? With me?” 

“Why?” Thor asked, one big hand still splayed across Tony's ass, the other coming up to trace his jaw carefully. 

“Because I want to see the lightning.” Tony's cheeks were red, but he wasn't turning away, wasn't looking down. “And feel...feel the ground shake with thunder. And know that I'm safe because you're the one holding me.” He cleared his throat. “Thor, can we--”

“ _ Elskan min _ .” Thor rumbled and kissed him gently. “Come. We will make a storm.”


	7. Chapter 7

Tony wasn't even sure how they made it the bedroom but suddenly he was being pressed into his bed, Thor's big body covering him, and Tony was spreading his legs automatically, trying to make room for the him, and Thor was murmuring in approval, carding his fingers through Tony's hair and sealing their mouths together in a kiss that  made Tony feel like he was being drugged.

Thor's hands were moving over his body, over the ribs that were no longer quite so prominent and over a stomach that softer now, and then  _ lower _ and Tony couldn't stop his body from locking up when Thor brushed over his hip bone.

“Too far?” Thor lifted his head enough to ask and Tony shook his head, took a few deep breaths, forcing himself to relax. “Have you done this before, Anthony?”

“Not for a long time. Before Iron Man. But I want you.  _ Please. _ ”

In answer, Thor simply rolled them on the bed, bringing Tony up to straddle his hips and Tony reached for the switch of the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

“You don't have to be self conscious with me, _Elskan_ _min_.” Thor whispered, and Tony shook his head, then realized Thor couldn't see him.

“I know.” He whispered back. “But I am anyway.”

“Then I will learn your body by touch.” Thor said, and even this soft his voice seemed to vibrate in the room and Tony gave a soft little moan and leaned down until he found Thor's mouth again.

“Kiss me.”

It was better like this. 

With no lights on, Tony could forget the disaster of scar tissue that was his body, and just sucked in a quick breath when Thor touched him, when his hands traveled down Tony's back and lifted his shirt up and over his shoulders. 

“You too.” He mumbled and Thor's shirt came off next, tossed somewhere onto the floor and then Tony was running his fingers up Thor's perfectly muscled abdomen, over his chest and to his neck, bending down to lick at Thor's lips, asking for another  kiss, a  _ better  _ kiss and Thor was only to happy to give it, one hand settling low on Tony's hips, the other threading through his hair as their tongues twisted and curled together, and Thor leaned up into the kiss like he wanted to devour Tony and right there in the dark, Tony thought he would be okay with it.

He was  _ more  _ than okay with it, as he tilted his head so Thor could lick and kiss at his neck, mouthing his way down to the curve of his shoulder and Tony barely registered that Thor was touching his neck, kissing his  _ neck, Thor had his hand on his neck _ and Tony wasn't freaking out at all, too lost in the idea of disappearing, of letting himself be consumed like this and never having to deal with real life again, maybe he could just stay in the dark and drift on this haze of pleasure and--

But then Thor bucked underneath him and Tony came back to himself with a gasp, and a sharp bite to Thor's chest, that had the demi-god moving beneath him again, lifting his hips and pinning Tony in place against him and Tony shuddered all over when he felt the thick line of Thor's cock pressing against his ass. 

“ _ Thor _ .” 

“Anthony.” Thor murmured and his hands were moving again, firm circles over Tony's waist, lower to knead against him, to move him in short thrusts above him and Tony swore the room lit up as their cocks lined up and this time when Thor lifted himself, Tony ground down against him and Thor was suddenly tense, cursing softly, his fingers tightening to the point of pain on Tony's hips.

“You will tell me to stop, if I hurt you?” Thor wasn't so much asking as he was demanding. “You  _ will _ .”

“I don't mind if it hurts a little.” Tony whispered against his ear, and Thor squeezed his hips in warning.

“You have been hurt enough, Anthony. Our time together should only be pleasure.” 

“Then touch me.” Tony choked out. “Show me what pleasure feels like. You promised me a storm.”

“Aye.” Thor sat up a little to cover his mouth in a bruising kiss, and while Tony was thoroughly distracted by the way Thor's tongue was sliding against his own, Thor reached around and ripped Tony's pants completely in half, and tossed the pieces on the ground.

“Thor!” Tony yelped, and then again,  _ louder _ when Thor pushed his own pants down and kicked them off and suddenly there was just  _ so much skin _ and Tony almost wished for the lights so he could see it all. 

But then Thor's big hand wrapped around his cock and Tony jerked helplessly, his mouth falling open and his eyes slamming shut and Thor started stroking him, coaxing him to fullness, the already hard length of his cock pressing up against the softness of Tony's ass.

“I have wanted you for so long, Anthony.” Thor murmured and lay back into the pillows, bringing Tony over him so they could keep kissing, and letting his fingers search gently between Tony's legs, trailing down the cleft between his cheeks, down to where he was warm and  _ tight  _ and Tony surprised  _ both  _ of them by rocking back against Thor's fingers with a groan. 

“ _ Oh.”  _ Tony breathed and rocked back again, experimentally. “Didn't think I'd be ready for that yet.”

“We will slow down.” Thor said instantly, and made to pull away, to go back to stroking Tony's cock, but Tony just fumbled under his pillows for a moment, then pressed a bottle of lube into Thor's hands.

“Why--”

“I decided on this days ago.” Tony was embarrassed, even in the dark, and hid his burning face in Thor's chest. “Wanted to be ready. Been showering and prepping and--” he was nearly shaking he was so embarrassed and Thor could only groan at the thought of Tony  _ getting ready  _ for him. 

“You are perfect.” Thor said solemnly and lifted Tony's face for a long kiss, hiding the  _ snick _ of the lube opening as he drenched his fingers. 

“ _ Thor!”  _ Tony hated how his voice got high and a little desperate when Thor touched him again, rubbing and massaging over his hole, but Thor growled a little, his hips stuttering upwards because he  _ loved  _ when Tony sounded like that, so with another hard kiss and a slight shift to spread Tony's legs just a bit wider, he slid one finger in, clear the second knuckle, and Tony cried out loud, biting into Thor's bottom lip so hard it nearly bled.

“Should I--”

“ _ More _ .” Tony's voice was still muffled against Thor's mouth. “ _ More.” _

Thor growled something in one his languages, and started working Tony open quickly then, carefully of course, but it was only a moment before he had two fingers deep inside Tony's body and when he added more lube and pushed a third through the ring of muscle, stabbing over Tony's prostate,  Tony's back arched and a moan rolled from him so deep and  _ filthy  _ Thor thought perhaps the beautiful brunette had come just from just that, but no, Tony was still hard and Thor stroked him roughly a few times until Tony was whining and rocking forward into Thor's grasp and then back against the fingers still opening him up. 

“Are you ready for me, Anthony?” Thor rasped, because Tony had yet to even  _ touch  _ him, and he was afraid he would be undone by the sweet noises tumbling from Tony's lips, and the  _ heat  _ that surrounded his fingers, and the feet of that silken skin above him. 

“Yes. Yes.” Tony touched him then, pouring lube over his hand and reaching back to grasp Thor's cock, hesitantly at first, but when Thor's hips lifted and he rumbled encouragingly, Tony tightened his grip, his fingers not even meeting all the way around-- “holy  _ thick _ ”  he moaned, and Tony wished again that maybe hed left the lights on because he wanted to see  _ every inch _ of Thor.

“Slowly.” Thor cautioned, and let his hands rest comfortingly on Tony's waist, lifting him until Tony had lined them up, the blunt head of Thor's cock teasing at his hole and then with a deep breath and a little shudder, Tony pressed down, spreading his legs and taking Thor inch by inch until their bodies met again, and then he was panting and making those sweet desperate noises Thor loved so much, his body so tight the Thor wasn't even sure he could  _ move _ , but Tony was already rocking forward, already shifting on top of him, and Thor didn't think Tony knew he was even talking but he  _ was _ , and it was all “ _ Thor Thor, holy fuck, holy--holy--oh my god. This is so good. So good. So big, god every inch of you--so deep inside me-- _ ”

“Slowly.” Thor said again, his voice strained because he wanted so badly to flip them over and dive into Tony's perfect body and make the beautiful man scream beneath him, but there would be time for that another day, for now it was up to Tony to set the pace between them, and Thor would go as slowly as needed, but  _ oh _ , he could have wept when Tony braced himself on his knees and lifted himself up, so slowly it was almost painful, but then it was  _ so good _ when he sank back down around him. 

Thor knew if the lights were on, he would see the pained look on Tony's face, the way he was almost certainly biting his lip because taking Thor wasn't easy, not at  _ all _ . Thor knew how big he was, how many of his partners had had a hard time taking him, but it was different with a man, and different with  _ Tony _ . 

So when Tony lifted himself again, Thor ran his hands up Tony's thighs to his waist and held him, taking the strain away and Tony moaned gratefully when Thor eased him back down, and then they did it again, and again, up and down and up and  _ down  _ in that slow, heated slide until Tony had loosened enough that it didn't hurt anymore, until his body had relaxed enough that they were moving smoothly now, and Tony was punctuating every downward motion with a little roll of his hips that had Thor clenching beneath him.  

And something lit just right, slid  _ just right _ and Tony gasped, his whole body tightening, and something sparked in the dark between him. 

“Thor…” Tony started to ask, but Thor just threaded his fingers through Tony's, giving him something to hold onto, and when Tony sank down against him this time, Thor thrust up lightly and Tony cried out, and there it was  _ again _ , a spark, or a glow or  _ something _ . 

“ _ Thor _ .” Tony said again, but he was rolling his hips now, and arching his back each time Thor thrust into him and Thor could sense it, could  _ feel  _ it when his magic started moving between them, flowing from his fingers into Tony and the room slowly lit as a soft glow moved up Tony's arms and across his chest, spreading down his legs to his toes, dusting across his hair, and now Thor could see the look of awe on Tony's face, could see the wonder and then the jolt of pleasure when Thor moved,and the glow got a little brighter. 

“It's like electricity..it's..its  _ you _ .” Tony said in shock, and Thor shook his head. 

“It's  _ us _ . Together.” Thor loosed one of his hands and reached up to trace Tony's jaw, and the light arced from his fingers to Tony's cheek, and he could see Tony flush, see his eyes roll close at the extra touch. 

“More.” Tony asked, sighed really, his breath coming in pants, and Thor squeezed at his hip in a silent question. Tony just nodded, and Thor rolled them in one quick motion, slotting between Tony's legs and pushing back into him without any hesitation. 

Tony shouted then, his legs coming up automatically to wrap around Thor's waist, and the demi god took his lips in a sweet kiss. 

“Perfect.” He whispered, and pulled out until Tony was scratching at his back and trying to force him closer, then thrust in  _ hard,  _ and the light between them pulsed bright. 

“Again.” Tony's eyes were wide now, and Thor didn't look away as he moved inside him again, thrust into him  _ again _ , and every time he did, the electric between them brightened until they were surrounded by it. So Thor shifted his position, pulled Tony tighter against him until he was pushing against Tony's prostate every time, and Tony was crying out, biting at his lips, ripping at the sheets as his pleasure started spiraling upwards. 

Thor pulled over Tony’s length with quick, sure strokes and now Tony was lifting up into them as they rocked together, and trailing his fingertips down Thor's chest to wind their fingers together over his cock, smiling because the glow between them was filling the room and it was  _ beautiful _ , the way it lit on Thor's golden skin was  _ beautiful _ , and it tingled as if all of his nerve endings were lighting up, sparking, and it was “Too much.” Tony could barely speak. “Too much, Thor, too much need to--”

“Come for me, then. Come now, Anthony. My love.  _ Elskan min _ . Let yourself go.” Thor was murmuring hoarsely, coaxing him up even further, pushing into him  _ further  _ and leaned over Tony's body to kiss him, to swallow every noise Tony was making, every gasp and moan and then Tony was almost  _ screaming  _ as his body tightened, as everything came to a peak and then came crashing down around him.

He was trembling, shaking, his cock pulsing and spilling between them, hot and  _ wet  _ and had to shut his eyes against the light as it burned brighter and even brighter, then crackled and with a  _ snap _ , it burst and lightning shot through the room, flashed outside the windows.

“Fuck.  _ Fuck _ , Thor that was--- come on. You too, take what you need, oh  _ fuck  _ come on--” Tony couldn't even think, much less talk, but it didn't matter because Thor was driving into his body with sure strokes now, nearly brutal as he took him, pressing him into the bed and keeping his legs wrapped right around him. 

“Anthony.” Thor was calling for him, praising him, telling him how beautiful he was, how perfect this was until his thrusts grew erratic, and his hips stuttered and then-- “Inside you, my love?”

“Yes  _ yesyesyes  _ oh god  _ yes _ .”

And thunder rolled outside the compound, rolled and  _ crashed  _ and the room nearly shook, and the light between them sparked all over again as Thor pressed as close as he could and groaned low in his chest as he came, buried deep inside Tony's heat, and Tony didn't look away this time, he just stared as Thor's power raged around them, as the storm filled his senses.

Because it was  _ beautiful _ . 

And when Thor opened his eyes and Tony say the sheen of tears in the deep blue, that was beautiful too. 

Thor.” he whispered. “Thor I---”

“I know, Anthony.” Thor took his lips in a tender kiss. “Words are not necessary. The storm speaks for our hearts.”

************************

Later, after Thor had carefully and sweetly cleaned Tony up, had stripped the messy sheets and remade the bed, Tony lay curled up next to him, his head on Thor's chest, their hands linked. 

“So. The storm--”

“Yes.” Thor sighed in satisfaction. “The storm.”

“Is that going to happen  _ every  _ time?” Tony asked and Thor looked down at him in concern. 

“Is that--”

“I'm only asking if we are going to see weird weather reports every time we do this.” Tony interrupted. “Because you know… we should warn the news station ahead of time. Or send flowers after to apologize.”

“Flowers every day?” Thor frowned playfully. “That could be expensive.”

“I'm a billionaire.” Tony's eyes were sparkling. “Send as many flowers as you want.” 

Then Tony laughed, for the first time since Thor had come back and the sound nearly  _ killed _ him. 

“I have missed your laugh, Anthony.” 

“Me too.” Tony snuggled in close. “Make me laugh again.”

“Every day.” Thor promised, and ran his fingers through Tony's hair, smiling when the sparks lit between them again. “Every day.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Tony ate breakfast the next morning seated firmly on Thor's lap, content to be spoon fed, happy to just be close. 

He couldn't get over the current of electricity that seemed to travel under Thor's skin, and couldn't believe he had never noticed it before. 

“It is brought to the surface by a sexual connection.” Thor explained, feeding Tony a small bite. “Usually it doesn't turn into a storm, though.”

“Then why did--”

“The storm speaks for itself.” Thor said with a smile and a soft kiss to his lips. “I am very happy this morning, Anthony.” 

“I'm happy too.” Tony shifted on his lap and flinched. “Sore though. Forgot about that part of things. Even though I imagine I’ve never been  _ this  _ sore.”

“Forgive me.” Thor looked troubled but Tony just shrugged it off with something like a wicked smile. 

“I'm not complaining.” 

“I have something that could help.” Thor offered after a moment, looking unsure of himself. “A soothing ointment to ease the pain.” 

Tony eyes twinkled then and he shifted a little closer. “And how would that ointment be applied, exactly?”

“Well simply as one would apply any --” Thor raised an eyebrow when he saw Tony's expression. “Anthony. You surprise me with this.”

“With what?” Tony asked innocently. “I'm curious. Is applying this ointment a two person job?” 

“You are so serious most days, I suppose it catches me unawares when you are playful.” Thor admitted. “Even though I have missed your less-serious side these last few months. I am pleased that our… joining has brought it back in some measure.” 

“Oh, I'm being  _ deadly  _ serious right now.” Tony corrected. “Is applying this ointment a two person job or not?”

*******************

“I need to buy more sheets.” Tony complained, nearly half an hour later, his chest still heaving and his legs trembling the littlest bit from his orgasm. “I don't want to be doing laundry every day.”

“Hmm.” Thor didn't really answer, still lazily thrusting two fingers inside Tony, withdrawing only enough to scoop more of the soothing ointment out of the jar, and press it deep inside. Tony shivered at the coolness, relaxing as it took the sting away almost instantly. Thor had brought him off in a spectacular fashion using just two fingers and the ointment as lube, and Tony was still trying to come down from it. 

“I suppose I could just put a towel down.” he continued and Thor's lips twitched in a smile. 

“Anthony,  _ elskan min _ , you act as if our spend is something undesirable.”

“Well, I don't want to  _ lie  _ in it.” Tony said crossly, and Thor slicked his fingers through the mess of come on Tony's stomach, raising his hand to Tony's face and cocking an eyebrow challengingly.

Tony didn't even hesitate, just parted his lips and sucked Thor's fingers deep into his mouth, pulling hard over them, his tongue swirling and twisting to collect every drop, moaning as he did. 

“ _ Anthony _ .” Thor's mouth had fallen open. “I did not expect--”

Tony shrugged and blushed a little. “I said it's been a long time, Thor, not that I was a  _ virgin _ .” He reached for his t shirt and wiped the rest of the sticky off his stomach, reaching for Thor and sighing contentedly as the big blond lay between his legs, wrapping his arms around him and settling together. 

“I've been feeling lost for a long time.” Tony said quietly, against Thor's ear, and Thor shifted even closer, held him tighter. “Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to get from one part of the day to the other. But since you’ve been here, it's been easier. And like this… like  _ this  _ with you is the first time I've felt like myself in a really long time.” 

“Will you explain?” Thor asked, and Tony nodded, fingers drawing slow patterns on Thor's shoulders. 

“I didn't think I could do...sex...anymore. That kind of connection with someone terrified me. But it came easily with you. Even after my whole freak out about you touching me. That just seems like some weird dream now. It's so easy to be  _ me _ like this. We can joke and laugh and flirt and..and--” Tony cleared his throat. “Get off together, and it's  _ easy _ . Easiest thing I've done in years. I don't have to overthink it, don't have to analyze it or wonder if it's right. It just...is.” 

“I am glad being with me is easy for you, Anthony.” 

“Thank you for making it easy on me.”

Tony hid his face in Thor's shoulder then, and the blond didn't say anything about the tears that were slick against his skin. 

*************************

*************************

“Boss.” FRIDAYs voice came on line, startling them as they ate dinner because she so rarely spoke these days. 

“Yes?” Tony said with an anxious glance at Thor, because the only reason FRIDAY would interrupt them is if something was wrong, or if someone was trying to get in the compound. 

“Boss, Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes is requesting entry to the compound.”

“Oh. Oh my god.” Tony shoved off Thor's lap and was nearly running to the door. “Let him in, FRIDAY. Let him in!”

Thor followed at a slower pace, making it to the main entryway in time to see Tony nearly throw himself at a wheelchair bound Rhodey. 

“Rhodey.” Tony wrapped his arms around his best friend. “Rhodey why are you in the wheelchair, what about the braces? And the surgery? I thought you were going to--”

“It's real nice to see you too, Tony.” the Colonel said dryly, but he was hugging Tony just as tight. “I'm sorry I haven't been around. Legs or not, they are keeping me busy.”

“Um. It's fine.” Tony straightened and wiped a tear from his eye. 

“What's big and blonde doing here?” James asked, narrowing his eyes, and out of habit, Thor spread his legs in an aggressive stance and crossed his arms. 

“Down, doggies.” Tony said with a little smirk. “Thor has been home for a few months. Hes..” Tony met Thor's eyes uncertainly. “We are---”

“You’re what?” James demanded, turning his chair to glare at Thor. “You're  _ what _ ? Because if you are about to say he brought his hammer wielding self down here and is taking advantage of you? Working legs or not, I am going to  _ bust some Asgardian ass _ .”

“No!” Tony blurted. “It's not like that. He is helping. Lots. With everything. With letters to the UN and the Security Council. And with my...issues.” his voice quieted and Rhodey sent another look at Thor. 

“Your issues. You mean your complete lack of healthy coping mechanisms.”

“Yeah.” Tony turned and motioned for Rhodey to follow him back into the compound. “Exactly that. I had ramps installed, I hope you like them.”

The colonel rolled his eyes a little, but wheeled up the ramps easily, and Thor couldn't stop smiling because of course Tony had ramps installed for his friend, even though up until just a month ago he had refused to cut his own hair. 

“We were eating dinner, do you want some?” Tony lay his hand on Rhodes shoulder, who covered it with his own, and Thor felt a little twinge at the sight. Of course he knew Tony and James were more brothers than anything, family, but it was still odd to see someone else touching Tony when it had just been them alone for so long, and when it had only been a couple of weeks or so since Tony and he had actually gotten together. 

“Not hungry, Tony. Just came to check on you. It's a lot harder to get around these days and with this thing...” He tapped the chair. “I just want you to know I feel badly.”

“It's fine.” Tony shrugged. “I get it.” But he looked a little sad. “You have things going on.”

“And so do you.” Another suspicious glance at Thor. “ _ Apparently _ .” 

“Perhaps I will leave you two alone for a while.” Thor said, barely containing his annoyance. It wasn't that he had anything against the Colonel at all. It was just odd to be sharing Tony, and irritating to be looked at as if he was an interloper. And if he was being one hundred percent truthful, it was hurting the tiniest bit that Tony hadn't been able to qualify what the two of them were doing. Thor hadn't expected a pronouncement of love, but an acknowledgement of their relationship perhaps. He was a  _ god _ , after all, and not used to being hidden away. 

“Not necessary.” Rhodey said with a wave of his hand, but his eyes said  _ absolutely necessary _ , deep seated protectiveness for his best friend coming to the surface.

“I insist.” Thor said, rolling his shoulders nonchalantly and the Colonel nodded just once, quick and short so he knew that Thor understood his position. 

“Um.” Tony glanced over at Rhodey, then crossed the room and stood on his toes to press a kiss to Thor's lips. “Don't go far, alright?” 

Pleased with the show of physical affection, Thor brought his fingers up to Tony's face, letting his magic pulse between them, sparks brushing across Tony's skin. “ _ Elskan min _ , I will never be far from you.” 

Tony grinned and kissed him again, longer this time, only pulling away when James’ not subtle coughing grew too loud to ignore. 

“For the love of god, Rhodey.” Tony turned with a whine. “You would think you had never seen me kiss a guy before. You were there for my twenty first birthday party!”

Thor grinned and left the room, content to let Tony be in the company of his oldest friend.

*********************

“Water?” Rhodey looked down at the bottle in surprise. “You aren't going to offer me a whiskey?”

  
“I don't really drink anymore.” Tony shrugged and took a long swallow from his own water bottle.

“Thor?”

“Yep.”

“So you guys are...dating?”

“I guess. Sleeping together, definitely. He's  _ huge _ .” Tony sent a sly look in Rhodes direction and the colonel nearly choked.

“No no. Oh  _ hell _ no.  _ No _ , Tony. We had this talk in MIT. Do  _ not _ tell me about which ever person you are currently banging. Nope.” then his expression softened. “But you guys are...he's good to you?”

“So good.” Tony chuckled but then hung his head. “I didn't think I could do it, Rhodey. Didn't think I'd ever be able to be close to someone after Pepper, and after everything else. Damn, I thought it would  _ never _ work again.” he laughed a little. “Thank god it all does. This is wonderful.” 

“That's great, Tony. Really.” Rhodes wheeled a a little closer. “So. Hes good to you. And the drinking is basically gone. Nightmares?”

“Not so much anymore. And when I do, he’s right there to help me.”

“You got over the whole--” Rhodey touched his neck a little and Tony nodded quickly. “And he knows about...about Russia. And hes alright?”

“Well, he might kill Steve.” Tony mumbled. “But everything else is good.”

“Then I guess I won't have to kick his ass.”

“Thank god.” Tony threw a piece of lettuce at him. “I have to keep eating because Thor gets all growly if I skip meals. You sure you don't want any?”

“I'm fine. Glad you’re eating again though, Tony.” Rhodey watched him for a minute, and swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I'm sorry I haven't been around.”

“Yeah well.” Tony crammed a fork full into his mouth and chewed slowly. “I know I wasn't letting you any where near me for a while. Those A+ coping mechanisms again. Just glad I didn't scare you off.”

“I've walked in on so many awkward things with you, Tones, there's not anything left to scare me off for good.”

Tony looked up and smiled and Rhodes had to cough a few times to clear the emotion from his voice.

“So look.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a file and tapped it nervously. “While I hate that I haven't been able to come over very much… Tony, this isn't really a social call.” 

Tony's head jerked back up and James pushed the file towards him. “The UN granted your request to bring the team home. 

***********************

***********************

Thor was the one to walk with the Colonel back through the compound and to the waiting car. 

“Tonight might be a bad one, for Tony.” Rhodes said with a sigh. “Just… make him talk to you alright? Don't let him shut down.”

“You love him very much.” Thor commented, and there was almost a trace of jealousy in his deep voice.

“My best friend.” Rhodes said firmly, then he smiled up at the giant. “But you should see the look in his eye every time he talks about you.  I'm glad you are here with him. He says he isn’t drinking anymore, and he’s put on at least fifteen pounds since I saw him a few months ago. Says the nightmares aren’t as bad.”

He took a deep breath. “I'm sure you’re a little angry with me for not being here as much as I could with Tony, but he all but locked me out. He was obsessed with fixing my legs, and then obsessed with me getting back to my own life. It was like he wanted the entire world to move on except for him. I tried with him though. I'd never abandon him, I hope you know that. I hope you know that if I could, I would have been here with him every day.”

“Of course I know.” Thor nodded. “And I certainly understand why you could not be here all the time. But you know, you are the only one that he talks about with a smile anymore.”

“Yeah.” James frowned. “Yeah. The team and he are--” he shook his head. “Well. It's not a good situation.” 

Thor waited until Rhodey had lifted himself into the backseat of the car before folding the wheelchair and placing it in next to him. 

“Thor.” Rhodes held out his hand and Thor shook it gravely. “I will beat your ass if he ever calls me and complains about you, do I make myself clear?”

“Perfectly.”

“Good talk.”

*******************

“Anthony.” Thor found Tony still sitting at the dinner table, his plate empty and pushed off the side, the closed file sitting in front of him. “You are troubled. Tell me.” 

He sat down in the chair next to him, but in what become a habit since their first morning together, Tony just crawled into his lap and curled close, unashamed now of his need to be held. 

“What is in the file?” Thor asked after a few minutes and Tony seemed to fold in on himself a little more.

“The UN decided that the team could come home as long as they signed an amended version of the Accords, and were willing to follow a short list of guidelines once they are back on American soil. The team agreed, signed it and now they are coming home.”

“Just that quickly?”

“No.” Tony flipped open the folder and tapped the date. “This was all decided about a month ago. They just now got around to letting me know, so I have the time to make sure the compound is in working order.”

“And how much time is that?”

“Ten days.” Tony said, and his voice was flat in a way that worried Thor. “They will be landing in Washington DC in ten days.” 

“Anthony---”

“Pour me a drink.  _ Please _ .” 

“No.” Thor just wrapped his big arms tighter around him. “We will not take a step backwards. You are doing so well.”

“Just numb me for a little while.” Tony muttered. “Life's going to be shitty enough from here on out, just let me---”

His voice trailed off and Thor kept holding him for a long time until finally he shifted and lifted Tony into his arms, heading for his bedroom.

“I have an idea.”

**********************

“Mmmm more.” Tony's words were slurring the littlest bit, his eyes drowsy, and Thor chuckled, taking another long drink from his bottle of mead, and bending down to kiss Tony thoroughly, letting him lick and kiss the drops off his lips and tongue. “ _ Sooo _ good.”

Tony hadn't had more than a few sips, drinking this way, but the mead was so strong that he was already past tipsy and sliding well into drunk and Thor kept laughing at him.

“I always heard about getting drunk off kisses.” Tony said and slid lower on the bed, winding their legs together. “Who knew it would be this fun?”

“Mmmm.” Thor rumbled in his ear and mouthed heavy kisses down his neck and across his collarbone, his beard scratching lightly over the scars on Tony's chest. “You taste good with mead on your lips.”

“You taste good anyway.” Tony retorted. “Like sunshine and grapes.”  and then he giggled, and Thor his own smile in Tony's stomach, rubbing his nose over his navel. “Tickles.” Tony complained and tugged at his hair. “Come back and kiss me some more.”

Thor took another drink from his bottle, purposefully keeping more in his mouth than before, and slid up Tony's body, thrusting his tongue between Tony's parted lips.

“ _ Oh _ .” Tony swallowed the mouthful of mead and hooked his fingers back in Thor's hair, keeping him close for a greedy kiss, moaning as Thor moved just enough to settle between his thighs. “ _ Yes.  _ Want you.”

“How do you want me?” Thor wanted to know, and Tony moaned a little louder.

“Can I be selfish?” He panted and Thor nodded, a big hand trailing down Tony's back to cup his ass, to lift his leg up so he could get closer.

“As selfish as you want, my love.”

Tony whispered in his ear and Thor tried not to laugh.

“''Tis not selfish at all, Anthony. A pleasure.”

“Are you sure?” Tony looked uncertain. “Because I'm too warm and tipsy to reciprocate and--”

“A pleasure.” Thor repeated, and with one last sweet kiss, he was slipping down Tony's body, pulling his pants off and coaxing him to complete hardness with easy strokes.

“Thor--” Tony mumbled and let his head fall back, his eyes fall closed. “Don't ever leave me alright?”

**********************

Later, after Thor had rinsed his mouth out and made sure Tony was tucked into bed, the mead put away, he sat and watched Tony sleep for a long time.

He had been feeling the pull of Asgard these last few days, the knocking on the edge of his consciousness that told him he needed to return. 

But he ignored it, pushed it aside in favor of running his fingers through Tony's hair, smiling when the beautiful brunette turned into the touch, a blissed out sigh leaving his lips. 

“I'm not leaving,  _ Elskan mín _ .” Thor murmured. “Not without you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Ten days flew by, and Thor kept Tony as busy as possible. A cleaning service was brought in to open up the rooms in the compound, dusting and changing the beds and replacing the plants. The kitchen was fully stocked, the dining room table replaced with one that would seat at least eight, and the extra couches brought back from storage to fill in the common areas. 

Tony was quiet,  _ very  _ quiet, and when he started slowing down, started blanking out, Thor would just grab him and pull him close, herding him into the bedroom to hold him, or simply picking him up and cradling him to his chest for a long kiss, letting his magic flash between them until Tony was smiling again. 

Every night Tony was pressing close to Thor, needing physical affection, and Thor gave him as much as he could, stoking the fire between them until it was storming inside and out of the compound and the stress had left Tony's eyes, replaced by the soft light that he saved only for Thor, only for moments like this when they were still connected, and the thunder was still rolling, and the glow around them was just barely starting to dim. 

One particularly difficult day, as Tony flipped on the lights to his lab and powered up his bots for the first time in months, he dropped onto the dusty couch he kept in the corner and let himself cry.

Thor found him nearly half an hour later, and stopped in his tracks at the sight of Tony weeping on the couch, the robot he called Dum-E clicking and whirring anxiously, dragging a blanket over to drop over Tony's shoulders. 

“Anthony.” Thor said quietly and Tony looked up, wiping the tears away. 

“This is harder than I thought it would be. I thought I was alright, thought I could just turn everything on but even just being in my lab again makes me so--” he coughed to clear his throat. “And they are supposed to be home tomorrow. They are supposed to walk in those doors  _ tomorrow _ and I can't even flip a light switch without feeling like I'm panicking.” He took the blanket from Dum-E with a watery smile. “Am I ever going to be ready for this?” 

Thor didn't know what to say, so he simply crossed the room and sat next to him on the couch, tugging Tony closer into his chest and rubbing comforting circles on his back. 

“I cannot say if you are ready, Anthony. But I  _ am _ ready. I am here with you, not leaving you, and you are not doing this alone.”

“I need you.” Tony mumbled and buried his face in Thor's neck, turning so he could straddle him and hug him tight. “Please. Distract me. Need you.”

“Right here?”

“Right here. Give me a better memory of this lab.” 

Thunder rolled around them, Thor calling on it simply because he could, and Tony hid his smile when Dum-E took off for a corner, turning away as if not wanting to watch.

“Your robot seems as if he is uncomfortable.” Thor commented and Tony nodded. 

“Yeah, well he's about to get a whole lot more uncomfortable. Make a storm for me.”

Thor laughed softly and started pulling at Tony's clothes.

“Not leaving you, Anthony. You know this.”

“I know.” Tony shivered when Thor kissed him, when the magic hummed between their bodies. “I know.”

********************

********************

“Welcome back.” Tony stood steadily at the top of the few stairs in the entryway to the compound, looking down at the rest of the team. He was dressed impeccably in all black-- black suit, black shirt, black tie, dark sunglasses over his eyes.

He looked put together and unforgiving and certainly  _ not  _ like he'd spent the majority of the past year in a severe depression and starving himself.

No, standing in front of his former teammates, Tony Stark looked every inch the billionaire philanthropist playboy that he had always been. 

And they all looked different shades of entirely uncomfortable.

Bucky was standing slightly behind Steve, looking like he was afraid Tony was going to kick him out, while Steve had that familiar stubborn jut to his jaw that said he wasn't going to compromise on anything. Sam was standing right next to them, arms folded, but neutral expression on his face.

Clint looked bored, Natasha actually seemed nervous, unsure of how welcome she was, and Wanda was standing clear off to the side, staring at the ground. 

Even though Vision had never been branded a vigilante, he had gone off to do his own thing after the airport fight and accidentally wounding Rhodes. This was the first time Tony had seen him since, and he was surprised at how much resentment he still held towards the red skinned being. It didn't help that Vision was the only one Wanda would look at, little skittering glances that were never returned, since he hadn't taken his steady gaze off of Tony yet.

Prince T Challa wasn't present, since he wasn't really a member of the Avengers, and neither was the Spider-Man, or Ant Man. Tony barely even noticed, unable to take his gaze off Steve and Bucky, glad his sunglasses hid where his stare kept landing. He wanted to hit them, or throw something or...maybe unleash Thor on them.

Thor, actually, was standing in the entryway with the rest of them, not wanting to present a Tony/Thor vs the Team dynamic, and Tony had understood his decision even if he hadn't agreed. Thor had teased him about being petty until Tony had laughed and relented. But that didn't mean he was done being petty. Not even close. 

And now they all stood silently, waiting for Tony to keep talking.

“All your old rooms are clean.” Tony finally continued. “With an added one for Sergeant Barnes.” Bucky visibly flinched at the title and Tony raised an eyebrow. “The common areas are obviously free to use, kitchen included. My lab is off limits. Not a single one of you has access codes to get in there, and FRIDAY will not allow you in there. You all know the drill for the biometric scanning.  _ Sergeant Barnes _ , your door is set for your  _ right  _ hand, please keep that in mind.” 

“Stark Industries is no longer the provider of the Avengers team gear, so please don't come to me with upgrade requests or tech work. The United States government has contracted out several companies to cover those needs. You have all signed and agreed to the Revised Accords, so any breach of conduct or broken rules will end with you being expelled from the compound until an investigation can be undertaken to determine what, if any, additional consequences need to be handed out.”

“I'm not your  _ parent _ , just your landlord, so unless you have an issue with the building, everything else you want to bitch about can be filtered directly to Captain Rogers. This will be the first and only time I ask-- is there any questions?”

Tony folded his arms and waited for a moment, and Clint was the first to speak.

“Why isn't Stark Industries providing us our gear anymore, if Iron Man is an Avenger? We should be privy to the best tech if we are meant to save the world, why didn't the government choose your company to supply us?” He sounded  _ pissed _ , and it took absolutely all of Tony's self control not to smirk.

“Because Stark Industries withdrew its name from the pool of applicants. It is still under review whether or not being contracted to provide tech for a volatile team such as the Avengers is an appropriate and feasible arrangement for the company.” Tony answered calmly and Clint's jaw dropped, the rest of the team shifting nervously as the implication behind his words sank in. “Next question.”

“I think that a sit down meeting would be better for this sort of thing.” Steve's voice rang out authoritatively. “To officially welcome Bucky to the team, to decide which rules need to be upheld or done away with, and especially to discuss the team dynamic and how we can all move forward together.”

“When Sergeant Barnes signed the Revised Accords, he was welcomed onto the Avengers, we don't need a ceremony for that. As far as the rules go, mine are simple. Don't come near my lab, and don't talk to me about anything besides the building. When it's time for a mission or a team meeting I will suit up right along the rest of you, but other than that, you should have no reason to seek me out.” Tony's voice was firm, and Thor was impressed by how well he was keeping it together.

“I am an Avenger, which means we are teammates. It doesn't mean we are friends, or associates or anything else. We are teammates, sharing a workplace. Any  _ other _ questions.” 

They were all silent, Steve looking fairly shell shocked and Tony nodded, just once, and turned and left, leaving them all standing there.

“Well, I didn't expect a hug but he could have been nicer than that.” Natasha broke the silence and shot Steve a look. “You said he would be--”

Thor interrupted her, clearing his throat loudly and moving to the top of the stairs, Mjolnir slung over his shoulder casually.

“Thor.” Steve sighed. “Good to see you. I didn't realize you would be--”

“ _ Cease _ .” Thor's voice seemed to boom from all corners of the space and even Wanda jumped. 

“Anthony was good enough to welcome you all back graciously. I, however, am not feeling as forgiving.” His blue eyes flashed, and Bucky swore a little, shifting nervously on his feet. 

“Be assured that  _ each _ of you will feel my wrath for the way you have hurt Anthony.  _ Each _ of you has acted despicably towards him and if I had been on earth during this so called Civil War--” he smiled grimly, and Mjolnir slid from his hands, hitting the top step with a ground shaking  _ thunk _ . “I would have simply called my lightning and struck you all down where you stood.” 

“You  _ will _ tread carefully, and you  _ will _ watch your words because I will not hesitate to teach you a lesson the moment you step out of line.” The giant rolled his shoulders and folded his arms. “But by all means, try me.  _ Challenge _ me.” He fixed first Steve, and then Bucky with a cold stare before sliding his gaze over the rest of the team, landing on Wanda until she squirmed and looked away. “I will enjoy putting you in your place.”

He picked up Mjolnir then, and stomped away, a  _ boom  _ of thunder rattling the windows as he went. 

********************

Thor found Tony already laying in bed, his all black outfit switched for pajamas, his back to the door.

Thor didn't say anything, just slipped into the bed behind him, and Tony twisted until he could bury his face in Thor's chest.

“So.” Tony said after a longer minute. “Are there body parts in the entryway?”

“Of course not.” Thor assured him. “Lightning is lovely in the way it just sort of incinerates and leaves nothing behind if it strikes hard enough. I swept up the ashes.” He kissed Tony's head. “No one will ever be the wiser.”

Tony tried to laugh but it came out more like a sob and Thor gathered him close.

“It will be fine, Anthony. All is well. I am here and we will do this together.”

“What was the thunder I heard?”

“I dropped Mjolnir.” Thor said with a shrug. “The witch nearly cried.”

Tony did laugh, then. “That is  _ awful _ .”

“And yet you are laughing.”

“Because  _ I'm  _ awful.”

“You are perfect,  _ Elskan min _ . I wouldn't have you any other way.”

Tony smiled weakly and ran his fingers through Thor's hair. “Not any other way?”

“Well.” Thor pretended to think for a minute. “I would have you on top of me if you were so willing.”

Tony laughed and curled closer. “I'm pretty much always willing and up for that.”

“Perhaps tonight you would allow me to just hold you though.” Thor pulled the blankets up a little tighter around Tony's shoulders and wiped the tears from Tony's eyes. “Allow me to just hold you,  _ Elskan Min _ .”


	10. Chapter 10

If Tony was being honest, it was kind of the worst having the team back.

The compound was loud, someone was always  _ somewhere _ and he couldn't seem to just sit and work anymore unless he was locked up in his lab, which somehow seemed like something of a punishment.

Tony found himself avoiding the common areas just so he wouldn't have to engage in small talk with any of them. And he couldn't hardly be in the same room as either Steve  _ or  _ Bucky, and he could tell it irritated Steve to no end. And Tony might have made a bigger deal than needed of getting up and leaving the room whenever those two entered, but he had always been petty to his core, and months of healing and growing closer with Thor certainly wasn't going to change that.

Thor of course, was amazing, but in some unspoken agreement, they hadn't said anything about their relationship, and weren't physically affectionate around each other until night came and Thor would make his way to Tony's bedroom. 

But it had been a few weeks now, since the team had returned, and Thor had yet to initiate anything beyond just a kiss in bed, and Tony was feeling wound up and antsy and irritable because yesterday he'd walked in on Clint and Natasha kissing-- when had  _ they  _ become a thing?-- and Vision had developed this slightly creepy habit of simply phasing through walls and standing there to watch Tony without speaking, and  _ wow _ did Tony find that annoying. And Wanda-- well every time she flicked those cold eyes at him, Tony wanted to throw something at her, and he hated that. Hated it because he  _ did  _ want to forgive and move on and he just couldn't seem to. 

In fact the only person Tony  _ could  _ stomach being around was Sam Wilson, and that was because at the end of that very first evening, Sam had found Tony in the kitchen and just blurted out how sorry he was. And how he knew Tony had worked hard to get them home, and how happy he was to be back in New York, and that he knew this wasn't going to be easy but he hoped eventually Tony would see him as a friend again.

Tony had looked up from his dinner in shock, then had reached out and shook the hand Sam offered, and that had been that. 

So Sam was alright. But everyone else sucked. And Tony hadn't been laid in two weeks. So walking into the dining room and seeing Clint and Natasha kissing over their coffee cups had nearly made him sick to his stomach. Seeing someone else so obviously and publicly enjoying their relationship was just….

Well anyway. Today Tony was striding through the compound trying to find Thor, needing to be held, and  _ fuck  _ whatever anyone else thought about it. He hadn't even  _ seen _ Thor all day, he'd been working in his lab trying to work on a new suit, so the next time he had to suit up he would be absolutely ready, and when he looked up it was after dinner time, and he was starving so he shut everything down and heading back upstairs.

Everyone seemed to be gathered in the common area, Thor included, and Tony felt a tiny twinge of jealousy seeing how comfortable Thor looked in there, overtaking one of the big chairs, legs sprawled wide, sipping from a beer.

No one else had anything to drink though, or eat, and Tony thought it was odd that they all looked irritated about while Thor looked positively pleased with himself.

“Anthony.” He said in greeting and even though the word was polite, his eyes were heated and Tony swallowed back the urge to just go and jump in his lap. He knew Thor hadn't been pressuring him for sex because the sweet giant was trying to be mindful of his emotional state-- and  _ god  _ was Tony in an emotional state-- but Tony had had enough of Thor being gentle and considerate and kind of just wanted to be carried out of the room and thrown on his bed and--

“Hey.” He said instead, keeping his voice soft, and Thor's fingers twitched against the seat like he wanted to reach for him. “What are you doing?”

“We’re watching a movie.” Sam cut in. “Do you want to watch it with us? Movie night.” 

“You guys still do those?” Tony headed towards towards the bar/ kitchen area of the common room. 

“Well, you started them.” Sam pointed out, sounding a little hesitant. “Thought we could keep them going since we are all back home again. Re start some of those fun traditions.”

“Right. All back home again. Fun traditions. Right.” Tony let his gaze slide off of Steve, skipping over an uncomfortable looking Bucky and landing on Vision, who was watching him carefully. Tony arched an eyebrow, and the man looked away, so Tony kept right on heading for the fridge, desperately wanting a beer but definitely only planning on drinking water. 

That is, until he tripped right over Mjolnir, who Thor had left lying directly in front of the fridge, just close enough that they all had to step around it, and perfectly placed so the fridge door wouldn't open enough to get anything out. 

“God  _ Dammit _ !” Tony knew it was a prank, Thor just messing with the team in an entirely obvious way, but all the frustration and pent up emotion from two weeks of living back with his teammates sort of exploded, and he swore loudly and whipped around to stare at Thor. “Are you  _ kidding  _ me? I could have broken my fucking foot!” 

“Anthony, forgive me, I was simply--” Thor looked horrified and was already out of his chair, heading to see if Tony was alright. 

“Just wanted some goddamn water, which should  _ not  _ require a trip to the fucking emergency room because  _ you  _ are trying to be annoying!” Tony lifted Mjolnir and smacked the hammer down on the counter, wrenching the fridge open and grabbing some water. 

“I swear, it's like you people move back in and--and---” he stopped in his venting and stared at the team, who were all staring at him. 

Thor especially, had stopped dead in his tracks and was standing stock still, mouth open, eyes wide. 

“What?” Tony asked impatiently. “What in the ever loving actual  _ fuck  _ is so---” then he stopped as well, glancing down at the floor then up at the counter where Mjolnir was resting. “Son a bitch.” he said mildly. “Did I just-- wow that's um--  _ oh _ !” 

Thor was suddenly in front of him,  _ on  _ him, pushing him into the fridge and claiming his mouth in a hard kiss, one hand dropping low to grab at his ass, the other stroking and tugging through his hair until Tony moaned a little helplessly and opened beneath him. 

Thor groaned low in his chest and surged inside Tony's mouth, lifting him with one hand easily and directing Tony's legs around his waist. With the other hand he grabbed Mjolnir and pressed the hammer into Tony's hand, muttering for him to carry it. 

Then, still unwilling to break their kiss for more than a few seconds, Thor just held Tony tight against him, and nearly ran from the room. 

“Um.” Bucky looked around uncertainly. “Did Tony just pick up Thor's hammer?”

“Without even trying.” Natasha confirmed. 

“So, we aren't going to talk about how Thor just grabbed him and carried him off like a Viking raiding a village?” Sam asked, looking entirely stunned.

“Still trying to process that.” Clint admitted and they all looked at Steve. “Cap did you know--”

But Steve just looked shaken, and they didn't know if he was more upset about Tony being able to pick up Mjolnir, or about the relationship that Tony and Thor were so obviously engaged in. 

Steve wasn't sure which one he was more upset about either. 

******************

“ _ Anthony _ .” Thor was shredding Tony's clothes, grabbing for their lube and working his fingers into Tony all within a few moments, and Tony was laughing a little, trying to keep up, trying to ask questions in between frantic kisses. 

“Thor--what is going--how did I-- ah  _ fuck  _ touch me like that again--what is going on?”

“ _ What is going on _ ?” Thor repeated, and his voice sounded so wrecked that Tony actually grabbed his wrist, forcing his hand to still so Thor would meet his eyes. 

“What's going on?” Tony repeated, softer this time, and Thor leaned up his body to kiss him long and hard. 

“I placed Mjolnir in front of the fridge as a prank, because no one can move her. And then you--” Thor kissed him again. “ _ Elskan min _ , you simply picked her up as if she weighed nothing.”

“But no one can lift your hammer unless they are worthy.” Tony argued, and then his eyes widened. “Oh.  _ Oh _ .” 

“Yes, my love.” Thor twisted the fingers still between Tony's legs, and the brunette yelped. “ _ Yes _ . Because  _ you  _ are worthy. And I-- I must have you.  _ Now _ . Please say yes, please, Anthony.”

“Yes. Always.” Tony was shaking, reaching for Thor, carried away on his own wave of desire, and nearly drowning in  _ everything  _ pouring from the demi-god, the love and adoration and  _ worship  _ so evident in those blue eyes. 

Thor pulled away from Tony as soon as he thought Tony was ready, loosening his pants and slicking his hand over himself. “Like this, Anthony.” Thor rolled him over gently, maneuvering Tony to his hands and knees, and lightly pushing until Tony's head pressed into the pillows. “I will have you like this.” 

His magic jumped to the surface, arcing between them with a crackling sound as he ran his hands down Tony's back. “Beautiful. Perfect. Worthy.” he praised, and then leaned close to Tony's ear. “ **Mine** .” 

Tony screamed when Thor entered him, but the noise was lost the crack of lightning and roar of thunder as rain started pouring outside the compound. 

“ _ Elskan min _ .” Thor rumbled, fitting himself as tightly as he could against the curve of Tony's ass, covering Tony's slim body with his own. “ _ Beloved _ . Storm for me.” 

*************************

*************************

Tony lit several candles, then climbed back into bed next to Thor, letting his hand drift idly over Thor's chest, smiling at the lingering glow between them. 

“Powers out all across the compound.” he said quietly and Thor's lips lifted in a smile. 

“Twas quite a storm you conjured, my love.” 

“I've missed you.” Tony said then, even quieter. “I know we sort of agreed to not tell the team that we were together, but it sucks and I hate that idea now.”

“Well, if they have not assumed we are together now--” Thor wove their fingers together. “--we will be sure to make an announcement in the morning.”

“I still think I hate them.” Tony admitted. “Except Sam. And Vision I suppose. But the others… I thought after a few weeks I would feel better about them, and I don't. It's bothering me.”

“Time heals many things.” Thor said thoughtfully. “But sometimes things never heal, they simply hurt less. And we simply have to accept the muted pain and move on.”

“You are awfully smart for being so pretty.” Tony teased and Thor pulled him on top of his body, both of them sighing as they slid together, still slick with sweat. 

“I have had hundreds of years to learn many things.”

“Like that trick you did with your tongue?” Tony asked, pressing close for a kiss. “Because I'm a fan.” 

“Mmmm.” Thor leaned into the kiss, his hands already urging Tony higher up his body. “My love, I have many tricks with my tongue I could show you. Come now and we can try some.”

“I'm in my forties.” Tony said with a blush. “I won't be able to finish again for a couple hours, I'm sure.” 

“So because you will not finish, I cannot bring you pleasure?” Thor cocked an eyebrow. “That seems like a strange custom. I disagree entirely. Come now. Here.” he urged Tony up until Tony was practically sitting on his face.

“Thor, give me a chance to---” Tony's words ended in a shriek when Thor flicked his tongue out and across sensitive skin. “ _ Thor _ .” 

******************

The team was still sitting in the common area when thunder started rolling again. 

“Please tell me…” Clint rubbed his hand over his face. “Please tell me that's not what I think it is.” 

“It is.” Wanda said, sounding bored. “My power spikes as well when I am with someone. Of course the God of Thunder can bring about power failures when he is--”

“For the love of god,  _ stop _ .” Clint snapped and Wanda smirked a little, then they all jumped when a particularly bright bolt of lightning split the sky. 

“They’ve got to be done soon, right?” Bucky asked and Steve just groaned and put his head in his hands.


	11. Chapter 11

Nobody said anything when Thor officially moved all his things into Tony's room, and nobody said anything about the power outage. Tony did some quick work to the compounds wiring systems, and now the lights only flickered when the thunder rolled, instead of having breakers pop and wires fry.

Tony started walking into the kitchen and curling up in Thor's lap to share his breakfast, and Thor kept grabbing Tony at random times and kissing him. Thoroughly. Messily. Regardless of where they were or who they were around. Whispering things in Old Norse that had Tony blushing and stammering and usually dragging Thor back to the bedroom. Sometimes Tony carried Mjolnir just for the hell of it, with Thor usually trailing behind him with awestruck eyes. 

And nobody said anything about that either. 

In fact, the first time anyone said anything about  _ anything _ , it was Steve. 

And he picked the wrong thing to say.

Most of the team was working out in the compounds training room, Clint and Natasha sparring lightly, Sam lifting weights. Wanda was doing her yoga in front of the large mirrors, Vision watching and occasionally talking to her. They had been trying to get back to their previous levels of intimacy, but it hadn't been easy. Bucky and Steve were boxing, bare knuckle of course since they didn't really bruise and weren't really worrying about hurting each other. 

Everything was going well, until Thor walked in. 

“Have any of you seen Anthony?” his booming voice cut through the music and noise and everyone told him no, they hadn't seen him yet.

Everyone except Steve.

“Thor.” Steve leaned against the ropes of the ring and motioned for him to come closer.

“Yes, Captain Rogers.” Thor slipped into the ring and stood in front of him, arms folded over his chest, looking down at him from his two or three inch height advantage. 

“What is going on with you and Tony.” Steve wasn't so much asking as he was demanding answers and Thor tried not to smile. 

“I would think what Anthony and I are doing would be fairly obvious.” he replied blandly. “It seems as if you have a problem with it. Why would that be? Jealousy, perhaps?”

Steve flushed an angry red. “It just seems interesting that you were nowhere to be found when we needed you, but as soon as Tony is here alone you are showing up and--” Steve shrugged a little. “Swooping is as if you are trying to save the day.”

“I was nowhere to be found when  _ who  _ needed me?” Thor asked, and rocked forward onto his toes a little, dropping his arms by his side. 

“Stevie.” Bucky murmured, sensing the change in the air, and he took a small step forward. “ _ Careful _ .” 

“When _ the team _ needed you.” Steve emphasized. “Someone like you could have easily kept everyone together instead of splitting us right down the middle. It isn’t as if we have been on  _ vacation _ , things have been difficult, and if you would have been here,  _ part of the team, _ then we probably could have avoided all of this.” 

“Myself and the team have still been trying to do the Avengers work without the support of the UN, without new tech behind us, without all the benefits that came from being here. And Tony has been sitting here. Doing  _ what _ ?” Steve sounded angry, and missed the warning flash in Thor's eyes. 

“Sleeping with you? How long have you and he been here, anyway? Not bringing us home? Not caring about the team that used to be  _ family _ ?”

“Goddamit Stevie, for once in your life, learn to shut your mouth.” Bucky hissed and Steve shot him an annoyed look. 

“Bucky it's fine. These things had to come out eventually.”

“I suppose they did.” Thor reasoned. “Have you said your piece? May I speak now?” 

“Yes, Thor. By all means.”

“Excellent.” 

“Steve!” Bucky was yelling, picking up Steve's shield where it sat against the ropes and flinging it hard, sending it winging through the air just in time for Thor to smash his fist into it. 

It didn't even slow the demi-god down. 

Thor simply batted the shield out of the air and took a big step forward, fisting his hands in Steve's shirt and lifting him high above the mat. 

“Let him go!” Bucky snapped and came at Thor hard, his left hand swinging in a punch that would have taken the head off a normal man.

Thor didn't even blink. Just shifted his weight, tightened one hand around Steve's neck, and reached out with his other, catching Bucky's fist without even looking. 

“That was not smart.” Thor said slowly, and twisted his arm, sending Bucky to the ground as his shoulder rotated in it's socket, the metal creaking as Thor forced it to turn. 

“ _ Thor _ .” Steve was turning a little blue, and Thor dropped him unceremoniously to the mat, calling for Mjolnir in a split second and snatching the hammer from the air as it flew towards him. 

One final push against Bucky, and the super soldier went flat on the mat in submission, and Thor set Mjolnir down on Bucky's chest to keep him immobile while he knelt over a still gasping Steve. 

“Breathing alright?” Thor asked and Steve just stared up at him. Thor smiled, but it wasn't a good one, and set his hand on Steve's chest. 

“Mjolnir doesn't actually weigh anything.” Thor said conversationally, when Steve sent a panicked look at a struggling Bucky. “It won't cause any damage to the Soldier to lay under her. I, however--” Thor leaned down and Steve groaned as his chest lit up with pain. “I can lift buildings, Steven. I can crush bones without trying. I can call my lightning and destroy you as you lie here helpless.”

Steve's eyes were wide, his hands wrapped around Thor's wrist trying to lift his hand from his chest. 

But Thor wasn't budging. 

“Do you know why I would never do those things to you? Because I know going into a fight with you, that I would win. With all your enhancements, with your extra strength and speed and that shield you use just as well as a weapon, I would still win. I would always be the victor. Steven, it does not take a man to win a fight he was  _ always  _ going to win.” 

“Anthony, for all his genius and all his tech, will never physically be the man you are.” Thor continued, and next to him, Bucky went perfectly still, listening closely. “Even in his suit, he is no match for you, Steven, and certainly not a match for you and the Soldier. And yet, you entered into a fight with him anyway. You could have stopped when it was obvious you would beat him, but you didn't. You could have immobilized him and walked away, but you didn't.” 

Thor increased the pressure on Steve's chest until the blond was panicking, scratching at him and breathing hard as his lungs were constricted. 

“Instead you smashed your shield into his already compromised chest, and left him for dead in the back end of Russia, trapped in a suit that was disabled, thanks to you and your friend.” 

“Do you know he has an iron bar holding his sternum together? That he can't walk from one end of the compound to the other without having to stop to catch his breath?” Thor's eyes were flashing again, his voice dropping as he got angrier. “Anthony has nightmares, more nights than not, and he wakes up screaming for you to  _ stop _ . He was so afraid to be approached that it took weeks before I could even touch him. He worked non stop drafting letters to anyone who would listen trying to get you and the team home, and now that you finally are home, you treat him like an intruder in his own compound.” 

Thor leaned even closer, pushed even harder and Steve tried to yell, his voice barely audible because he couldn't breathe. “I refuse to engage in a fight with you, because I know I would win. I am a better man than you, and would never put you through what you did to Anthony.” Thunder rolled around the room, then, the lights flickering with the surge of power. 

“But if you ever open your mouth and accuse him of not caring about this team, if you accuse him of simply waiting here and finding pleasure with me instead of working to clean up  _ you and your teams mess…”  _ Thor made a fist on Steve's chest and rocked his weight into it, his knuckles popping sharply as they dug into Steve's sternum. “I will finish the fight that Anthony was unable to. I will tear you apart and leave you for the dogs.”

Thor stood to his feet then, and strode out of the ring, nearly out the door before he threw his hand up and called for Mjolnir, the hammer lifting from Bucky's chest and flying across the room. 

“The same goes for the rest of you.” Thor growled. “ _ Do not test me _ . I am Thor Odinson, Prince of Asgard, God of Thunder.  Myself and my love are  _ not  _ to be trifled with.” 

********************

“I heard thunder.” Tony was pacing in the kitchen anxiously when Thor appeared. “Is everything alright?”

“All is well, Anthony.” Thor set Mjolnir down on the table. “Captain Rogers and I simply had a discussion.”

“About?” Tony pressed and Thor smiled, even though his eyes were flashing angrily.

“The Captain had his own idea of what you have been doing this last year, as well as his own opinions about it. I simply...rectified his inaccurate view.”

“And?”

“And told him I would feed him to the dogs if he challenged me.” Thor finished, his voice rising. “You will not be disrespected, Anthony. Not by anyone, and certainly not by a man who left you to die.” Thor clenched his fist, breathing hard. “He had the gall to say if I would have been on earth, things would have gone differently for the team. I assured him  they  _ would  _ have in fact gone differently. I would have simply called my lightning and ended it all and then taken you away to--”

“I love you.” Tony interrupted, and Thor blinked at him in surprise. 

“Anthony--”

“I don't care if it's too soon to say it.” Tony's eyes were full, tears spilling down his face. “Not once have I ever felt that someone would stay when they promised to, or defend me when they promised to… and you have been everything to me for months now. And I love you.” he swallowed a little and held his hand out. “Do you love me too?”

_ “Thu er frithir mi _ .” Thor reached for him and pulled him close, whispering into his hair. “You are my love, Anthony. _ Elskan min _ , beloved. Of course I love you.” 

“Distract me then.” Tony said then wiping his tears. “I'll bring Mjolnir.” he reached out and picked up the hammer and Thor laughed, swinging him easily into his arms.

“Come then, perfect  _ worthy _ one.” Thor kissed him gently. “Let us make a storm together.”  


	12. Chapter 12

“Tony.” 

Steve had gone looking for Tony after his confrontation with Thor the day before, but the storms outside compound had convinced him to keep his distance.

Today he was trying again, bringing Bucky along for moral support, and they found him in the kitchen, happily digging into a giant bowl of ice cream, scrolling through something on a tablet.

“Tony.” Steve said again, a little louder because Tony hadn't acknowledged him yet and this time Tony jumped, jerking back in his seat in surprise. 

“Captain. Didn't hear you.” Tony looked up at him, and then away, avoiding looking at Bucky all together. “What can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to--” Steve sat down at the table and frowned when Tony leaned back in his chair, keeping some distance between them. “I just wanted to talk to you a little...and apologize.” 

“Apologize?” Tony repeated, and his chair screeched as he scooted it further back. “Full offense Cap- I don't really think I want to have this conversation. So maybe you should just let me enjoy my ice cream in peace.”

Bucky hadn't sat down yet, and his jaw dropped open at Tony's comment. “Damn.” he muttered, but Tony ignored him. 

“I'm being serious, Tony. I think it would be good for you and I to sit together and  _ talk  _ and just--”

“I  _ don't _ want to have this conversation.” Tony repeated. 

“Tony!” Steve was already getting frustrated. “Just listen alright? We need to--”

“No  _ you  _ listen!” Tony snapped, looking upset, and Bucky raised his hands quickly.

“Please, Tony.” Tony visibly flinched when Bucky spoke. “Please just give him a minute. This isn't easy for anyone, so please just…”

Tony pushed his ice cream and folded his arms. “Talk. Five minutes.” He knew he should be better about this, more mature maybe, especially with all the mental and emotional progress he'd made with Thor by his side. But  _ damn  _ it was difficult to look at Steve. More difficult to look at him with Bucky standing by his side. 

So sure, maybe Tony  _ should  _ be better about this. But he didn't really care. 

Steve cleared his throat uneasily, knowing Tony was one bad comment away from walking away. “Tony. Look, when all this--when all this happened, you know I had a lot going on at the time and--”

“Nope.” Bucky coughed. “Not an apology. Try again.” 

Tony actually smiled the tiniest bit at that. 

Steve sent Bucky a look and cleared his throat again. “Tony. Everything about what happened between us was terrible. The Accords, fighting each other. I mean-- leaving you in Siberia was an awful thing, and I can't tell you how sorry I am. This last year, I had so much going on with Bucky and the team and I didn't ever give myself time to even think about what happened. To think about you and how you were coping with everything.”

Tony just looked at him blankly. 

“And I guess I was so relieved to be coming home I didn't stop to think about you sitting here, by yourself, reliving everything. I was so caught up in how Bucky was doing and how the team was coping that I--I forgot about you.”

Pain flashed over Steve's face. “Thor told me about your sternum. About the drinking. The nightmares. I'm so sorry. Tony, I'm so--” his voice broke then, and Tony's brow furrowed a little.

“I'm not sure if I've ever been a good teammate for you.” Steve continued, softer now. “And I know I wasn't ever a good friend. And I know we have so much to work through but can we-- can we start? Because I swear I'm a better man than what I've been to you. I  _ swear  _ I am, and I really want a chance to prove that, really want a chance to move forward and show everyone--the world, the team,  _ each other,  _ how amazing we are together.” 

Tony was already shaking his head, already looking like he was going to cry. 

“Pretty words, Cap. But I've heard prettier-- and more honest ones too.”

“Tony, I'm serious.” Steve pleaded. “I'm not saying this because Thor almost crushed my chest, or because Bucky--” he sent a sidelong glare at the other soldier. “--because Bucky twisted my arm until it almost broke to get me here. I'm serious. Tony, honey--”

“Don't.” Tony snapped then, angrily. “ _ Don't  _ call me honey as if things are alright between us. You never called me that before, you  _ certainly _ can't call me it now. I'm not some child that you are trying to calm down. Don't talk down to me, and call me  _ honey  _ and act like I'm supposed to --”

“He doesn't mean anything by it.” Bucky interrupted carefully, quietly. “He's serious Tony. We both are. We were so caught up in our own things that--”

“Yeah I got it.” Tony said. “Too busy to think about me. That's fine.”

“Tony  _ please _ just--”

“Look.” Tony stood up and folded his arms. “It  _ sucks,  _ alright? Yeah, this last year was shitty and yes I almost drank myself into a hospital and sure, maybe I tried to starve myself, but you know what? I don't care about that anymore. Thor came along and took all that away from me. So I don't--” he rubbed his forehead. “I don't care about it anymore. Alright? You guys had a whole year together to be a team and I had a whole year to… to  _ not _ be part of the team. Most days it doesn't even feel like there's a spot for me anymore. And I've just sort of realized that… I'm okay with that.”

“What?” Steve looked nervous. “Tony what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I don't care about this.” Tony motioned between them. “I appreciate your apology but I also know if Thor hadn't gone all alpha male on you, nobody would even acknowledge what happened. I mean, does the team even know? Or do they think you guys just escaped and everything's been fine? What happened with Clint and his wife? Why did Vision come home with you guys?” Tony shrugged. “Is Bucky alright now or does he still relapse? Where did you stay while you were gone? What were you doing? Who was helping you?” 

“All these are things I don't know and I've just realized that I don't--I don't care anymore. I've been working on a new suit, and honestly I don't even think I'm going to finish it. I think I'm done. Sergeant Barnes is a perfect replacement for me. You guys will work out just fine.” 

“Tony. I am  _ not  _ trying to take your place on the--” Bucky actually stood to his feet, protesting immediately. “Please don't think--”

“I don't.” Tony shook his head. “I don't think you're trying to take my place. I think Steve handed it to you and that's… that's fine.”

“Tony. Please think about what you're saying.” Steve pleaded. “You don't want to  _ not  _ be on the team.  _ Think about what you're saying.” _

“I've already thought about it.” Tony said quietly and turned a little when Thor entered the kitchen.

“Anthony, are you alright?” Thor asked, eyes narrowing to a glare when he saw Bucky and Steve. “What are you--”

“I'm fine.” Tony slipped his arms around Thor's waist. “I'm… fine. Can we talk a little? I've got something to run by you.” 

“Of course, my love.” Thor sent one more glare towards the soldiers and led Tony from the room.

“What is going on?” Steve banged his hand on the table. “Tony can't just  _ quit _ he can't just stop being Iron Man that's  _ crazy _ , that's just--”

“Stevie.” Bucky shook his head a little. “You can't fix everything. Sometimes it's just too late.”

“I can't accept that.”

“You're going to have to.” Bucky rubbed his chin, scratching through the stubble. “And I mean…you don't blame him, right?”

“No.” Steve's hands tightened into fists even as he hung his head. “No, I don't blame him at all.”

*********************

********************

Something that sounded like thunder, but not quite thunder shook the compound a few mornings later, and Tony looked up from his breakfast in surprise, while Thor looked up with a scowl. 

“This cannot be good.” he grumbled and hefted Mjolnir, beckoning for Tony to follow him outside to figure out what had made the noise.

“Son of a bitch.” Tony groaned. “Why are  _ you  _ here?”

“Stark.” Green eyes narrowed in irritation. “And here I had hoped that you had simply perished in--”

“You will watch your words, brother!” Thor snapped, and the dark haired Trickster God known as Loki simply smiled and bowed in deference. 

“Of course.  _ Brother _ . Whatever was I thinking?” he swept a critical eye over both Tony and Thor before shrugging. “Asgard requires your presence, Thor Odinson. You are to return with me immediately. You have felt the summons and ignored them anyway, so I am here to fetch you.”

Thor opened his mouth to protest, but something in his brother’s eyes and expression made him hesitate. 

“Very well.” he said after a moment and Tony squawked in surprise. 

“What? You’re leaving, just like that? Loki is a  _ professional liar,  _ why would you just--”

“Anthony.” Thor lifted his chin, letting his magic warm the surface of his skin until a glow lit between them. “Some things I cannot explain, especially where Loki is concerned. You must trust me, though.” 

“Of course I trust you, but---”

“Then  _ trust _ me.” Thor interrupted softly, and dropped his head to kiss him, lingering over Tony's lips until their skin was sparking where it met. “If we must leave, it will not be for long. Do not worry, my love. All will be well. 

“Alright.” Tony swallowed any other protests, and sagged against the door as Thor swept past him, heading towards their room. “Wait, what?  _ We _ ?” But Thor was already gone.

Loki was smiling when Tony turned back to him, and Tony ground his teeth in irritation. 

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because it is amazing what you do not know, Anthony Stark. Surely you didn't think Thor would return to Asgard without you?”

“I--I--” Tony shrugged a little helplessly. “I don't know? Um. Am I going to Asgard?”

“Yes.” Loki said and his eyes glowed a little. “Yes you are.”

“You look happy about that.” Tony said uncomfortably and Loki gave him another mysterious smile. 

“I suppose I am.” 


	13. Chapter 13

“This is weirding me out.” Tony tugged his fingers through his hair. “So, Thor just  _ always  _ planned to take me to Asgard? And you--  _ you _ \-- are happy about it.”

Loki was tapping his chin thoughtfully. “You did expect Thor to leave one day, correct? You knew he wouldn't stay here.”

“Well yeah.” Tony said slowly. “He's Asgardian, comes and goes as he needs. It happens.”

“But not once did you think you were going along with him? Even though the two of you are...involved.”

“Oh, you mean did I think that the demi-god I am sleeping with would take me with him on his rainbow bridge to some world I'm not entirely sure exists in this dimension? No. No I didn't think I was  _ going along. _ ” Tony snipped, and Loki straightened then, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“But you _have_ to go with him. My brother would not journey home without his _hjartsláttur_. And for you to even consider _not_ going would be--”

“Don't spit your words at me!” Tony snapped. “I don't know what the hell a--a heart ladder-- is!”

“ _ Hjartsláttur _ .” Loki repeated and his lips twisted in amusement and disbelief. “He has not told you. My idiot brother hasn't told you yet.”

“Look.” Tony closed his eyes in frustration. “You better start making some sense  _ real  _ quick, because I'm pretty sure I can talk Thor into beating your ass, brother or not.”

Loki laughed softly and Tony hated that it made him shiver “You are his  _ hjartsláttur _ .” Loki emphasized. “His literal  _ heartbeat _ . The one who brings the storm to him. Just like all the legends talk about.”

“All the legends talk about  _ what?” _

_ “ _ When the God of Thunder meets the one meant for him.” Loki explained, and he didn't even sound irritated. In fact he sounded… soft. And wistful. And perhaps the tiniest bit jealous. “His  _ hjartsláttur  _ will bring the power from deep inside him and nature itself will storm with the magic between them.”

“Brings the storm…” Tony repeated, suddenly looking a lot less irritated and a little more dazed. “You mean the--the spark thing that happens when we are together? That's… me?” 

“Yes, of course. It is  _ you _ who are bringing his magic to the surface, the reason it glows between you. His heart has claimed you for his own.” Loki tilted his head and smiled again, genuinely this time. “I can see why. The unbreakable strength of your spirit overshadows even your annoying mortal tendencies.” His voice was still soft and his posture had relaxed.

“Oh.” Tony looked down at the ground for a moment. “Thank you, for telling me. Thor sort of mentioned it, before. With the rain or whatever. But… thank you for explaining, I guess. Even if I wish I wasn't hearing it from  _ you.”  _

“You are welcome.” Loki's eyes warmed, despite Tony's obvious annoyance. “My brother has waited forever to meet his mate. I am pleased he found someone so strong, someone who matches him.”

“I'm not strong---”

“You forget we have met before, Anthony of Midgard.” Loki interrupted, ignoring Tony's muttered  _ I sure as hell have not forgotten _ . “I was impressed with you then, and nothing has changed. I am aware of how difficult this last year has been, in Asgard we are not blind to the problems here. You have shown incredible fortitude, and a strength of character deserving of my brother--giant, golden buffoon he is. You will be welcome in our halls. We all will be pleased to have you.”

Tony couldn't be certain, but the Trickster God actually seemed almost emotional, pale skin flushing as he looked away. 

“Thank you.” he said again, and meant it this time, and Loki held his hand out, magic gathering in a white ball in his palm. 

“I don't have to tell you of course, how badly I will hurt you if you turn out to be anything other than perfect for Thor.” It might have been a threat but Loki was still speaking quietly, almost fondly and Tony found himself shaking his head instantly. 

“Of course not. I wouldn't ever--”

“Excellent.” Loki's expression shifted quickly from gentle to a studied mask of boredom as Thor reappeared, followed closely by the rest of the team, and Tony barely had time to chuckle over the god trying to hide his feelings before they all poured out into the lawn.

“Loki.” Steve snapped and the team dropped into fighting positions, Clint looking just on this side of murderous, Wanda sparking her powers between her fingers threateningly.

Loki sent Clint an almost regretful look, and then actually laughed, tossed his head back and  _ laughed out loud _ before zeroing in on Wanda. “I have heard of you,  _ witch _ .” he said, still chuckling. “Waving your powers about as if they are anything impressive. Come and let us play, let us see if your pretty red is any match for the white of my magic.” 

Wanda bristled and took a step forward, a red arc snapping between her hands as she moved as if she was going to throw it at him. 

Loki yawned, waved his hands and then flicked his fingers and shot a pure white bolt of power at the girl, zapping the red away and sending Wanda skidding back several feet. 

The team all clamored angrily, especially Clint, but Thor raised his hand to silence them. 

“Settle, team. Loki. That is enough, brother. Do  _ not _ antagonize them.”

“The witch though to challenge me.” Loki was still laughing, but raised his hands peacefully. “Brother. Let us leave now. Bring your  _ hjartsláttur  _ and come.” 

“Anthony…” Thor turned to him, hand out. “Will you come--”

“Of course.” Tony grinned up at him, suddenly not caring about the team or Loki's unsettling presence or  _ anything _ . “How are you going to make any storms without me?”

“How am I going to--”Thor sent a quick look at Loki, who shrugged apologetically, then looked back down at Tony with eyes full of adoration and love and emotion. “ _ Hjartsláttur. _ ” he whispered.  _ “‘ _ My heartbeat.  _ Elskan min _ . My beloved, my storm. I  _ love  _ you.” 

“I love you too.” Tony stood on his toes to kiss Thor, humming softly against his lips when the god simply picked him up and held him close for a long moment before setting him gently back on his feet, leaving an arm around Tony's waist.

“Wait, so he’s leaving?” Bucky asked in confusion, and Clint and Natasha exchanged uneasy looks. “Tony are you leaving us?”

“I guess… Tony are you...where are you going?”

“This can't be right.”

“Is he just leaving? What about us?”

“How could he want to leave with Loki after what that psychopath did last time he was on earth?”

Tony shrugged, ignoring the outrage and questions. “You were just fine without me for all of last year. I'm sure you will be just fine now. I told you--” he motioned towards Steve. “I told you that I was ready to not do this anymore. Granted, I didn't think moving on would happen quite this quickly but--” he sent a look at Thor, who smiled encouragingly. “But this is good. This will be good.”

“Think this through, Tony. You don't even know what they have planned. You don't even know if you will survive this trip. Loki could be screwing with your mind and--” Steve started to lecture, and then threw his shield up when another bolt of energy flew from Loki’s fingertips, aimed at his heart. 

“You would be wise to stay silent, Soldier.” Loki warned, then backed up a few steps to the imprint of the Bifrost burned into the lawn. “Brother. Bring your  _ hjartsláttur  _ and let us leave. Midgardians annoy me. All except this one.” He sent Tony a look that had him clearing his throat and wanting to fan himself and  _ what the hell was up with that? _

“Anthony.” Thor reached for Tony's hand and held it tight, joining Loki on the lawn. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Tony said firmly. 

“ _ Are _ you?” Loki asked, and his hand pressed just lightly at the small of Tony's back, then slipped underneath his shirt to touch his skin, and Loki’s hand was ice cold, then burning hot and Tony shuddered a little, staring up at the Trickster God, who was looking down at him with something heated in his eyes. 

“Ye-yes.” Tony stammered, then glanced up at Thor who was watching them both with a curious, but pleased, expression. 

“My brother and I have shared so many things, all the centuries we have been together.” Thor said then, and ran his fingers lightly over Tony's skin, smiling when the sparks jumped between them. “Perhaps you will enjoy Asgard more than you think.” 

“Indeed.” Loki's skin seemed to ripple blue but it was gone before Tony was sure. “Some legends even say that the Trickster God and the Thunder God share a heartbeat, even though we are not truly family, we share two pieces of the same soul.”

“ _ Oh _ .” Tony squeaked when Loki pressed lightly against his back again, the touch first blindingly cold and then hot.

“Summon the bifrost, brother.” Loki commanded with another curious smile down at Tony, and Thor grinned, raising Mjolnir high. 

And with a roar of thunder and flash of light, they were gone. 

*************

**Epilogue**

*************

Rhodey opened the box that had been on his doorstep cautiously. For months now, Tony had been sending him random things from Asgard, even though for the life of him, Rhodey couldn't figure out how Tony was sending them between worlds. 

Magic, he supposed, which meant he wasn't going to think too hard about it. 

This box was smaller than the other ones though, holding just a vial filled with a dark purple liquid. 

**Honeybear.**

The note was scrawled in Tony's atrocious handwriting. 

**I do not how time is different between Asgard and Earth, so honestly I have no idea how long I have been gone, and if we are being honest, I don't care. Thor says we won't be gone much longer, I don't know what means though. Again, I don't care.**

**I do care about this though. And you. I miss you, and hopefully this little drink makes up for you missing out on my sparkling personality.**

**Can't wait to see War Machine flying when I come home again.**

**Tony**

**PS don't be a wimp, just drink it.**

Rhodey stared at the purple vial for a long minute, then shrugged and popped it open, chugging the contents without thinking twice about it. 

Then he was lunging out of his wheelchair and running for the kitchen for water to wash the horrible taste out of his mouth, bent over the sink and drinking from the faucet…

...only to spit the water out in shock and whirl around to stare at his wheelchair… still sitting clear across the living room where he had left it. 

“Tony.” All he could do was laugh, and wipe the tears from his eyes. “ _ Goddammit _ .”

****************

“Do you think it worked? The cure for Rhodey?” Tony asked idly, sprawled across Thor's lap as they sat in the Friggas massive rose garden in the heart of the castle in Asgard.

“Of course it did.” Loki, who was kneeling in the dirt planting a new rose bush, sniffed indignantly. “You would doubt our healing? After what it did for you?”

“Settle, brother.” Thor admonished, letting his hand dance down Tony's bare chest, admiring the glow and sparks coming from the newly healed skin. “Anthony is simply asking. You forget he does not know all our ways.” 

“I do like looking thirty again.” Tony admitted. “No scars, no grey hair. It's fun.” 

“You were beautiful before, you are beautiful now.” Thor murmured and Tony lifted his head for a long kiss. 

The first thing Thor had done once they had landed in Asgard was to drag Tony away from staring open mouthed at everything, and take him right to the healers. It had taken barely more than a day for them to erase decades of ruin, all the horrible scars, to strengthen his bones again. Tony's hair was full and dark and thick again, years of damage to his liver reverses, the lingering remains of the palladium eradicated. He was young again and  _ vibrant  _ and hadn't stopped smiling once since they had arrived. 

“I don't know about him being beautiful before. I believe I prefer you without that glowing battery in your chest.” Loki said, still sounding snippish. “Thor is simply blinded by his affection for you.”

Tony made a face at him and sat up, pulling Thor down for an even longer kiss this time, arching his back and moving in Thor's lap until thunder rolled around them. “Lets go make a storm.” he whispered and Thor pressed their foreheads together with a grin. 

“ _ Elskan min _ . How lucky I am to have you.” 

Thor shot Loki a curious look then, and raised his eyebrow invitingly, but Loki shook his head. 

“Take your  _ hjartsláttur _ , Brother. I will stay in my garden.” He did stand though, laying a gentle kiss on Tony's forehead, the farthest he allowed himself to go with the beautiful human. At least, the farthest he allowed himself to go for  _ now _ . 

It was no secret between the three of them that Loki planned to have Tony as well, and even though it had taken Tony some time to warm up to the Trickster God, now he shivered and smiled every time they kissed and Thor knew it wouldn't be long until Loki joined them in bed.

But for now, Tony was still only  _ his _ , and Thor lifted him right into his arms, heading for the castle quickly. Loki listened to them laughing with a small smile on his face, settling back to the ground to tend to his plants.

And later, as thunder boomed and lightning snapped through the sky, Loki summoned his own magic, sending sparks into the sky to mix with the dark clouds, and thinking about how beautiful it would be when they all stormed together. 

*************

End. 


End file.
